The Yin and Yang of Who We Are
A short guide to finding your authentic feminine-masculine balance
Written by Alex Opriș. Read to you by…. an AI generated voice.

Prologue
Dear reader,
I wrote this book to better understand myself and others. Like many people, I’ve struggled to know when I’m being truly myself and when I’m just following what others expect of me.
Living in three different European countries opened my eyes to something important: Our culture shapes who we become, sometimes in ways that pull us away from our true selves. We often hide parts of our personality just to fit in and be accepted by others even if we don’t realize we do that.
Think of it like picking up an accent – we naturally copy the behaviors around us, even when they don’t match who we really are and then mistakenly believe that we found our authentic selves. In Romania, I saw how men were expected to be tough and straightforward, never showing weakness. But in Sweden, it was completely different – being vulnerable was welcomed, while being too direct was seen as harsh. It is amazing how strongly the cultures we grow up in can influence who we are.
Choosing the path of finding who you really are can feel lonely, depressing, and stressful. It temporarily depletes you from the love and appreciation you long for so much. But trust me, in the end it will all be worth it, and I am here to guide you.

I want to thank all the amazing authors and teachers who helped me better myself and create a big-picture understanding of the world. I’d especially like to thank Eckhart Tolle, Gabor Mathe, Yuval Noah Harari, Ken Wilber, David Deida, Teal Swan, John Grey, and Leo Gura. The amazing works of these people gave me more value than any amount of money can offer.

A few years ago, writing a book seemed overwhelming. But after reading over 150 educational books, I noticed patterns that made me like the read and some that made the experience less enjoyable. This reading journey made me feel more confident and ready to deliver my own work.
The focus of this pocket book is to be succinct and emotionally impactful. A full size book could be written about every chapter. As English is not my native language and this is the first book I wrote, I put the Claude Sonet AI Chatbot to edit the sentence constructions in such manner so as the book sounds more professional, but I explicitly asked the AI to not modify my ideas and to not take away my personal touch, just to restructure them. Welcome to the AI era! May this book inspire you to find who you really are and unleash your true potential! Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Introduction
Why write about this topic? It started with a simple question: What shapes our behavior? How much is it biology and how much is it culture? Everyone has both feminine (Yin) and masculine (Yang) aspects within themselves, regardless of their sex and gender. We’ll explore later whether these traditional terms are still useful.
When we’re young, our biggest need isn’t authenticity – it’s being loved and accepted. Through an insecure attachment style, we learn to hide the parts of ourselves that don’t fit in. We trade our true nature for belonging, often without even realizing it.
If you adopted the persona of a macho jerk, the persona of a nice guy wimp, the persona of a submissive housewife, the persona of an entitled radical feminist or a misogynist, then this book will help you escape those unhealthy ways of living life and find your authentic self. These stereotypes appear in people who lack maturity and authenticity, they appear in people who did not dare to equally and fully explore their feminine and masculine sides. When neither or only one side is explored, there is a chance that the person will never find who he or she really is and wants from life. You are not a toxic macho jerk, you are not a submissive person who says yes to everything, you are not an entitled extremist who pushes your agenda onto everyone. You are an amazing person, but most probably nobody showed you how to find yourself.

Around 90% of people have a preferred energy, and 10% of people, men or women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, or non-binary people, authentically prefer a balanced Yin-Yang essence. Nowadays, many people might mistakenly recognize that they have a balanced essence, when in fact they are actually suppressing their Yin, their Yang, or both. Just so they could fit in their culture and receive the desired love, appreciation, and acceptance. Inauthenticity is their survival strategy.

In general, more biologically born men tend to incline towards the Yang, and more biologically born women tend to incline towards the Yin due to general biological differences which I will explain soon.

People with a masculine essence crave for a higher purpose to fight for, they have to follow their mission, otherwise they will crumble like a stopping bicycle. If they don’t find and follow their higher purpose, watching football, talking nonsense with their buddies, playing video games, or drinking alcohol will replace their purpose. When I say purpose, some might think of becoming some successful entrepreneur. That can be some people’s purpose, but others might have lived years in accordance with their purpose and nobody even noticed. Purpose can be internal and personal, like the purpose of achieving spiritual awakening or gaining a big-picture understanding of the world without telling that to anyone. It does not necessarily have to be flashy and “in your face”. After he pursued his purpose, he might feel the need to contribute to the world in some way, he might want to have beside him a feminine person with whom to share that value and feel appreciated for his hard work.

On the other hand, people with a feminine essence feel the need to surrender to life and fall in love with it. To receive love from and offer love to family, children, friends, and, most probably a masculine partner. If she, it is mostly a she, does not experience the intimate love she craves for, she will experience it by reading vampire romantic novels, by watching TV series, or by eating a high calorie slice of cake. The lack of love is compensated by an excess of calories. She does not need a man to be happy, she needs him in order to be happier. Instead of that unhealthy dessert, he will be the dessert, tasty but healthy.

When I mean that people have a masculine or feminine essence, I don’t mean they are or should always act from that essence. Actually, a healthy person is almost daily fluctuating from masculinity to femininity and back. Even the most masculine person can sometimes leave his mission aside and take care of his children and elderly. Even the most feminine person can choose a leadership role at work so she can embrace her masculine side also.

Some people might get turned off by the terms masculinity and femininity, because they can send them to the traditional stereotypes of a macho provider and a submissive housewife. As you might have noticed already, this book is much beyond that simplistic, black and white approach to life. If you don’t like to call these two energies like that, then call them Yin and Yang, water and fire, warmth and strength, or heart and spine.

This book is about finding your way back to yourself and developing secure attachment, learning to find and love yourself as you are, no matter your sex or gender. Perhaps the most important skill in life is learning to love yourself enough that you no longer need to dance to someone else’s tune.

In the same way finding out if you are more introverted or more extroverted will help you understand yourself better, finding out if you prefer to be more Yin or more Yang will create even more clarity. The three years of research I did for writing this book completely changed the way I see myself and society. It is so true that if you read a book about a subject, it has a chance to leave a mark, but if you do serious research about a very existential topic and write a book about it, you as the author will change your whole life in the process.

I am a bit different. I am a bit more honest and direct, I am a lot more passionate and driven to figure out nerdy stuff that can sound boring to most people, I am a bit autistic in my reactions, especially when socializing in large groups. I like to lead and inspire people with my mission. I can say I like to be more masculine.

Of course I can show up as completely normal. It is actually a problem to not be able to fit in and instead to just express your weirdest part of your personality all the time, I am not advocating for that. But if you always try to fit in, no matter the social situation, it might feel like you lived your whole life with the handbrake on. This book is about developing that contextual intelligence and carefully balancing your passions and authenticity with agreeableness. Gabor Mate said that sometimes there are no painless decisions to choose from. In those situations, if you choose to be authentic, you can lose friends, opportunities or even a potential life partner. If you choose to be inauthentic, it will still hurt and with that you might attract the wrong people and opportunities in your life. Most people suppress and divorce from some parts of themselves without even noticing it, because they came to the conclusion that those parts make them less worthy of love, and what we crave the most in life is love, not authenticity.
If we cannot find who we really are, we cannot develop harmoniously as people. There are aspects of who we are that simply cannot be changed no matter how driven we are to change them. The post-modern progressive culture made some good steps towards a more inclusive and tolerant society in which people can more easily explore who they really are without feeling deprived of love and affection. But there is still a lot more progress to be done as you’ll realize by finishing this book.

This is a tragedy. If we don’t know how to find ourselves and cannot love ourselves as we are, we will never be able to develop harmoniously as people. How can you develop yourself if you did not find yourself? Who is there to be developed? Some people are born more introverted, others are more extroverted, some people are simply born quote on quote “weird” and neurodiverse, some people are more nerdy, some people are more emotional, some people love to be soft and empathic, some people love to be strong and direct, some people love to lead, some people love to follow, some people are more Yin, some people are more Yang.

The main motivation that drove me to put so much effort into researching this topic was to understand myself, and my God, what a journey! But Alex! How do you know which parts that you suppress are your real self and which are just a trauma adaptation or a faulty behavior that has to be fixed? Good question, we’ll find out how to distinguish those things.

I will try to help you to distinguish your authentic self from coping mechanisms and role playing due to trauma adaptation mechanisms and social pressure. I will try to explain how our biases and ignorance distort our understanding of how to find our real selves. Let’s dive into finding out who we really are and what it really means to be a man, a woman or something else, but first, I’ll come with a warning:

This is an advanced book that goes beyond post-modernism and tackles a very sensitive topic. If it will sound offensive to you, I don’t mean it, it is just that my passion is to find the most objective truth possible, not to feed into people’s ideologies. If you listen to this, please listen to the whole thing before judging or labeling me. When I discuss biological differences between sexes, I’m not suggesting superiority or inferiority. Like the concept of yin-yang, things can be different yet equal, an asymmetric equality that many find difficult to grasp.

Critical Warning: When studying biological differences between humans, tread carefully. It’s easy to fall into harmful ideologies like racism, eugenics, or sexism. Let me be absolutely clear: there is no such thing as an “inferior” gender, sex, or race.

This book can sound too progressive and philosophical to the conservative people but too conservative and “scientific” to the progressive people. You might be thinking I am conservative because the subject of the book is masculinity and femininity, No. This book is so progressive that the progressive people who listen to it can perceive it to be conservative.

What does it mean to be progressive? Progress towards what? To a better society of course, but what if your ideas will lead to other problems? This is a book that takes post-modernism into account but it is not limited by it, it will take into consideration the relativity of things but it also comes with concrete answers that will help you improve your big-picture understanding and teach you how to live a happier life.

In order to properly understand this topic, you need to go beyond post-modernism and reach the so-called construct-aware stage of development. At this stage you’ll become aware of how your mind plays tricks on you, how it tries to distort reality based on the biases that were installed into your mind by your culture you grew up in, you’ll start to put the truth beyond the attachment to your tribe and find what really lies under the sun. This is by far the hardest thing I ever researched, appreciate the courage I took to talk about it. We need books that come with solutions to the very controversial topics that if not solved, society will suffer. We, humans, move very fast once we get the idea, but when we are divided in our opinions, we just fight each other like animals instead of fixing the issue. Think about this, once we got the idea that electricity will improve our lives, in a few years, we flooded the world with our electrical networks in the same way our blood vessels flood our bodies.

What is Gender?
Let’s address the elephant in the room first. What is gender and how does it interplay with our Yin and Yang?

Gender is a social construction, an inter-subjective concept that if we humans stop believing in it, it will cease to exist. There is no such thing as an objective man or a woman, this dichotomy was invented by society in order to simplify our lives. In the same way we invented money, money is a social construction that simplifies our lives.

There is no such thing as “money”, money is just some numbers in a computer system or some colored pieces of paper. But we gave value and qualities to those numbers and pieces of paper so we could simplify our existence and trade easier. In the same way we created men and women so we could specialize in what most biologically born men and women are good at and also simplify our mating and dating.

Not just that gender is an invention, but it is also very subjective, what a man means to my grandfather might not mean the same thing to me. My grandfather might not call an authentically feminine man to be a real man, while I will do that. We love to assign labels, qualities and roles to our inventions also. We were programmed from childhood to associate men and women with some particular looks and qualities, in the same way we were taught that a platform with four legs that you can sit on is called a chair. But what if the platform has only 2 wide legs? Or what if it is a cubic form that you can still sit on? Is it still a chair? Do you see where I try to knock?

This deconstruction philosophy can both help and confuse us. It can help us to loosen up our mental constructions and disassociate gender from the traditional, rigid norms that not everyone authentically fits in. On the other hand, getting too loose can lead us to believe that we can completely discard our biological differences and go all the way to gender blindness. It can lead you to debate about what a woman is for ages and still not come to a practical conclusion that will really help people find their authenticity. We can get loose as chewing gum, but will that help us in a practical way? As in almost anything, a middle way has to be struck.

Back in the days, people did not have the time and the luxury to argue about what a man or what a woman is, they were just adopting the time tested gender roles that worked, they were very pragmatic, too pragmatic maybe. Men protected the country with weapons in their hands and did the physically hard work while women were taking care of children and doing the less labor intensive stuff like cooking and laundry. When an army is attacking your city, you don’t have time for non-binary people telling you they don’t identify as men, you give them a slap and a weapon in their hand right away. But now here in the West, we have time for questioning that, but we have to do it very carefully. If we just willy-nilly question everything without taking into account our biology, trauma adaptation mechanisms and the desired Yin-Yang balance, we could end up in trouble.

Striking the Right Balance

If a man finds out that he is the most authentic while behaving in a feminine way, is he a real man? Of course. Is a trans-man a real man? Absolutely. No matter how much you want to believe otherwise, telling such people that they are not real men, is just unproductive and does not help anyone. The most critical thing we have to do as a society is to help people find themselves, be they non-binary, trans, gay, feminine or masculine.

Are there only 2 genders? No, the 2 widely accepted genders are invented, so we can invent others too, but not so fast. What if you adopt a gender, be it woman, man, or something else and it does not fit with who you are because you did not find yourself yet? So many people don’t even know who they are when they reach 30, are you completely sure you know that perfectly at the age of 12?

I don’t deny that possibility. A child can absolutely find its authenticity especially if guided by a serious professional. But unfortunately, there are some aspects that our gender experts are missing and cannot properly guide everyone towards finding themselves. They take less consideration of the importance of our Yin-Yang balance and our biology. Humans are animals, not much different from primates. Animals are born with specific personalities, some are more social, some are less social, some are more energetic, some are calmer, some are more Yin, some are more Yang. Not just that but, as you’re going to find out later in the book, biological sex often plays a big role for individuals in choosing the right gender.

Now I can hear the post-modernists objecting: “But who is to say what it means to behave like a man? Everything is relative!” Here is where you meet the limit of post-modernism, you get stuck in what the philosopher Ken Wilber calls “aperspectival madness”. Post-modernist philosophers came with very insightful ideas about how relative reality can be, but you know humans, we always have to swing all the way to the extremes and learn our lessons the hard way. Tell a newbie runner that running technique is relative and she should run as she feels. “Just use your intuition my dear!”. She does exactly that and she injures her knees. There is a more “right” running technique relative to running efficiently and not injuring your body.

Relativity is like a knife, it depends how you use it. Not everything is equally relative to everything else. Relative to having a healthy romantic relationship with a specific feminine woman, there is a more “right” way to be a man. Relative to your genetics, personality, hormone dynamics and the like, there is a more “right” way to be a man. If you as a woman did not have any orgasms in years, that means something. If your man is always bored, boring, has low energy, low testosterone, and does not attract you anymore, that means something.

If you find yourself at the table with some post-modern progressive people and you dare to open this female vs. male topic, most probably you’ll ring all their sexist patriarchy alarms. And I understand why, it is a topic that requires a lot of research and contemplation, and a lot of logical analysis. What is their approach to this topic? Well, they might say something like this: “The traditional beliefs that men are like this and women are like that, these are outdated beliefs from traditionalist religious people and they always tend to favor men over women, I think everybody is different and we should embrace every individual as it is regardless of gender. We need to break free from stereotypes…”.

Although their point is valid to some extent, you don’t need too much research and effort in order to hold these positions, positions like: “do not generalize”, “we are not that different”, “I reject labels”, and “just accept the person as it is”. That is cute and all that, but I always had a feeling that something is missing. Now I am not denigrating them here, I also used to say this stuff. This is the default position about this topic if you are progressive leaning but did not investigate this subject closer. Even their lack of a perspective perspective is much better than believing that God made men to rule over women or some claim like that.

I agree with around 90% of leftist politics, but saying that all their points and opinions are right is just a fantasy. Nobody is 100% right, this book is not 100% right, no book is 100% right. To play a post modernist card I’ll ask: Right relative to what? I am not interested in proving religious conservatives wrong on this topic, that is easy, there are lots of people who do that well already. My ideas show even how progressives get it wrong.

The Dunning-Kruger effect

Exploring this subject will create a perfect example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. If you do not examine it closely in an unbiased way, you see it as very easy to explain. If you are conservative you’ll just say that people should fit into their biological gender stereotype, if you are progressive you’ll tell them to just be themselves and find their preferred identity.
But as you seriously educate yourself about it and examine many perspectives, your confidence will go down pretty quickly, you realize that things are not as simple as they seem. Your confidence will go up again only after months or even years of study and serious contemplation, and this time your confidence will be like a pillar in a storm, rock solid. Have you asked yourself why people get offended by such subjects? It is because they are not rock solid in their confidence, as you get dead convinced about a subject, there will be no weird dude like me who will be able to offend you.

Accept The World As It Is

I’d like to address the idea of accepting reality as it is. Humans always had this struggle and will have it for a very long time to come. They wish reality to be in the way they want it to be, but somehow it does not want to be exactly as they wish. Religious conservative people wish that their God is the only God there is, they wish that being gay or trans-gender is a disease that has to be treated, they wish that gender is not a social construction but it’s given to us by God. On the other hand, the extreme left wish that everything is just a human construction and it can be changed, that biology plays very little role in our behavior, they wish that those stubborn conservatives will accept their ideas and follow through instead of pulling in the other direction. This is the core of suffering, reality being in one way, and you wishing it to be otherwise.

By watching over 100 wildlife documentaries, I got such deep insights about the essence of the universe that I began laughing at what most scientists believe about the world. There is so much intelligence in all animals and insects that only reductionist scientists could overlook that and say that the universe is a dumb mechanical thing and everything evolved by natural selection and random mutations. Some things are so obvious that you have to be a scientist or an intellectual in order to overlook them.

How can wildlife documentaries help us understand ourselves better? In most animal species, as they lack complex language communication, they have little to no cultural influence in their behaviors, so we can clearly see how males and females behave differently without being so influenced by cultural elements. The universe often specializes males and females so they can complement each other in a Yin-Yang dynamic, especially in very social creatures like apes or humans which, spoiler alert, are just a more special sort of ape.

By observing so much wildlife behavior, I realized how the universe plays with itself in very intelligent ways. A more fun, spiritual perspective would be that the universe got bored and because of that it started to divide itself into all sorts of specialized bits and pieces that compete for survival. Not only that it created so many specialized beings but it also specialized most of those beings into males and females. Our mission here with this book is to find out how the universe specialized us and how that still plays a role in our days.

The universe is an intelligent mind, everything around you is so deeply intelligent, more or less if we also take mainstream human beliefs into account. Only by calling the universe to be an intelligent mind, you could be discarded as a religious creationist or a new-age hippie. Imagine how bored God had to be in order to create humans that started to deny they are part of God. Can God create a rock so heavy that not even it can lift? It goes even deeper than that. God can deceive itself that it is not God but a separate entity, that is the illusion of the human ego. God is not an old man in the sky, you are God.

Criticism from below and from above

I’ll also want to mention the concept of criticism from below and criticism from above. You criticize from below when you are clearly less educated and less developed than the party you are criticizing, while criticism from above is criticizing the party from a position of “been there, done that”. When a religious person criticizes a post-modern leftist, he is criticizing from below, his mind is by no doubt less nuanced and complex. But when I criticize a leftist, I take into account his perspective and just change what I perceive is wrong or incomplete, that can be regarded as a criticism from above.

To believe that your group is the one that holds the absolute truth and there is nobody that can be above you is just ridiculous, this mentality was held by many groups for thousands of years and there always was someone who proved them wrong and took society to the next level. The ideas that the conservative people are holding nowadays were thought to be outrageously progressive 200 years ago.

I observed closely that in general there are important differences in how biological men and biological women are behaving. You might say we behave differently because of cultural expectations and norms, not because of our nature. Of course, culture has a lot to play here but is it really only cultural determinism? We have literally different organs in our bodies, different bone densities, different average heights but some say we have on average the same behavior and preferences. I don’t buy that.

If you have a strong point about this topic, some might put you in two extreme categories: the extreme left category which advocates for cultural determinism, or the conservative, traditionalist perspective which advocates for biological determinism. Both perspectives lack complexity, depth, and nuance. The progressive perspective is better than the conservative one, but it is far from perfect. We are strongly influenced by both biology and culture and I’ll explain why. We are equal but not the same, although it might seem so nowadays.
In the following chapter, we’ll explore how biology and culture plays a role in who we are.
Chapter 2: Biology and Culture

There are niche cases of feminine men and masculine women who love being like that, and even individuals who want to transition to the opposite gender or to identify as something completely outside of these binary genders. There are also people born intersex with XO or XXY sex chromosomes which means having biological characteristics of both male and female or just a completely ambiguous biology.

These are rare cases, I honestly do not know enough to talk in depth about it, what I know for sure is that you need to find your authentic self. If you really feel that you are the most authentic when identifying as non-binary, and this is also confirmed by experts, then do it and learn how to find your non-binary identity. In this book I discuss what the main trends are BUT I do not push you to fit in your traditional gender role, I encourage you to find yourself and ignore the culture biases.

No matter if progressive or conservative, they still push you to be who they want you to be. NOBODY but YOU can find who you are. I’ll also try to tackle the gender identity issues because when I say masculinity and femininity I don’t mean biological sex, I am pointing to the two energies within all of us.

Here I am after more than three years of researching this topic. At first I wanted to make this material to be a quick info article but it turned out to be a handbook because it is a remarkable topic. I understand your concern, women were thought incapable of reason 300 years ago, that is not science but complete nonsense. We are different but equally powerful and beautiful, each in our specific ways as we’ll find out.

The Beginnings of Life

I found well done research which concludes that on average, when a baby boy forms in his mother’s womb, he gets a testosterone injection in the body, which means the brain also receives it. What testosterone does to the brain is remarkable, it makes the individual behave in a slightly more autistic manner, it changes the brain in such a manner that the two brain hemispheres communicate less to each other. Scientists measured the prenatal testosterone levels of individuals and correlated them with increased slightly autistic behaviors in childhood.

Nature is not 100% precise, so baby girls can also get a high dose of testosterone before birth, leading to a more “boyish” girl or a tomboy, and nothing wrong with that. The PubMed article called “Fetal Testosterone Predicts Sexually Differentiated Childhood Behavior in Girls and in Boys” suggests that boys are exposed to double as much testosterone as girls before birth, they also found a strong correlation between prenatal testosterone exposure and sexually differentiated play behavior in both girls and boys. And this is a PubMed article not some evangelical church science.

The base brain, the one unaffected by testosterone, is the “feminine brain”. The “extreme male brain” theory of autism proposed by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) exhibit an exaggerated version of typical male cognitive patterns, characterized by a strong interest in systems, abstraction, and a reduced emphasis on social cognition.

Just because autism as a disease is debilitating, that does not mean a tiny bit of autistic behavior is debilitating! If I say men are on average a bit more autistic, that does not make them inferior in some way, it is only that their brains function differently, they get excited by abstract nerdy stuff, they are less social, more disconnected from their emotions, a bit less empathic, they like to figure out stuff, create maps as I am doing now and further differences that I’ll discuss soon. ASD is 3 to 4 times more common in males than females. Notice when I mention the words: “most of them”, “on average”, and “tend”. There are no black and white distinctions in this book.

The objections of some postmodern people about what I’ve just said is that these are just some generalizations and oversimplifications based on some simple measurements that do not take into account the cultural influences. It is true that science can oversimplify things or can be biased but in this case understanding our biological differences has to involve the scientific method. Sometimes a well-done “If-Then” logical deduction can help us a lot in understanding something. If the prenatal testosterone is high, then these changes in the brain and these behaviors appear.

Of course culture shapes our behaviors. This is why I wrote this book, culture robs us of our authenticity and we need to take it back. If you are not convinced by these kinds of studies then go watch some documentaries about all sorts of animals where you can clearly see how the males have obvious behavior differences compared to females even if those animals have no cultural structures in place, and those behaviors are influenced by the prenatal and pubertal hormones.

In regards to the measurements and studies being biased and corrupt, what can I say, we need to base our understanding of biology in something, if not in science then in what? In the Bible? Science is about observing, measuring, and drawing conclusions. This is the whole spiel of science, by measuring stuff, it arrives at conclusions with which we can understand the world better, being able to create a better society. You are able to charge your phone without burning it down because some engineer took care so that your electrical socket outputs the correct number of amps and voltage your charger requires, and the phone and charger itself has intelligent overcurrent protection mechanisms also engineered with the help of measurements. You are able to drive your car because tremendous amounts of math and measurements were put into developing that car. I can criticize science all day if you want me to do that, but here I need to give it the credit it deserves and base my knowledge on it.

Some Key Points About Biology, Culture and Behaviors

How about when the children grow up? They will go through the renowned period of puberty when men get another big dose of testosterone in the system, which makes them grow taller, grow hair everywhere, grow bigger and stronger muscles, and get a lower-pitched voice. Whereas women get a good dose of estrogen which makes them begin the menstrual cycles and develop the typical feminine traits of wider hips and bigger breasts. What about the behavior though?

Everyone has a feminine side and a masculine side. Why are we calling them masculine and feminine? Because, on average, most biologically born men prefer to spend more time on their masculine side and, on average, most biologically born women prefer their feminine side most of the time. What we try to do here with this work is help you realize which side you prefer the most and in this way better understand who you are. We first have to find out what are the characteristics of these two sides we have.

Forget about gender and sex for a minute. What would be the masculine characteristics? Protection, action, groundedness, focus, exclusivity, assertiveness, individualism, penetration, ambition, courage, logic, structure, strategy, detachment, duty, mission, competitiveness, enduring hardships for a higher purpose, conditional love.

How about the feminine ones? Beauty, sense of belonging, interdependence, intuition, feeling, inclusivity, romance, receiving, vulnerability, playfulness, sensitivity, nurturing, creativity, flexibility, empathy, emotion, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, rest, collaboration, unconditional love.

If you permit me to complicate things even more, I would even say that the Yin and Yang within us can be more complex than a spectrum, it can be a 3D map where you present strong characteristics of both femininity and masculinity together creating your own unique combination. In fact, presenting specific masculine and feminine traits at the same time, for example: strength together with warmth, is a clue that he or she is a highly actualized person. For example: You can be a direct, emotional, inclusive, nerdy, non-competitive leader.

But the main distinction between masculinity and femininity is that masculinity would rather hurt feelings in order to tell the truth, and femininity would rather hide the truth in order not to hurt feelings. This one is a spectrum, you can only be more or less empathetic and compassionate, you cannot cut a man’s throat and feel empathy for him at the same time.

Especially progressive women are scared of the word “interdependence”. They want to be independent, but you see, we all depend on something. In general, women want to depend on other people and estrogen-increasing activities, and men tend to depend on things and testosterone-increasing activities to feel better. Just look how dependent your man is on his beer buddies that disconnect him from emotions, video-games, football, or his car. Or in my case, dependence on learning and figuring out stuff, I love it. Don’t close the book yet, I will present top-class research that will prove how our feelings and actions can modify our hormone levels. Our bodies are so much more complex than we thought.

Have you noticed how most men are drawn to figure out stuff and create models? If not figuring out politics then figuring out which football team is the best or which is the most reliable car. Most women on the other hand relax much better when talking about stuff that raises emotions in them, like talking about some drama that happened at work and the way people felt and were interrelated to each other. Become aware of your favorite energy but do not swing too much towards it. If these energies are in balance, you will behave in a calibrated way, when you swing too much towards one energy and ignore the other, problems appear.

There is the so-called “big five” personality traits test. This test was given to millions of people around the world. Statistics show that women scored on average higher on neuroticism and agreeableness which means women are on average nicer, more agreeable and more sensitive to emotions. Women tend to be more social especially if they are extroverted, many more women than men join social activities like fitness classes, they seek emotional support much more often and twice as many women than men go to psychotherapy.

You can solve a bad mood and trauma in 2 main ways. One way is going into your feminine side and sharing to a therapist all you have on your soul and letting yourself be guided by them, or going into your masculine side and detaching from your emotions until you feel better, and after that, logically analyzing what happened and figuring out a solution. Basically doing self-psychotherapy and self-CBT.

The problem with macho guys is that they detach from emotions until they feel better but they do not introspect and analyze what made them feel that way. They lack psychotherapeutic knowledge and are afraid to fight their inner demons.They would rather bench press a sofa instead. That is happening because their culture told them that having emotional issues is a sign of weakness, not a problem that has to be inspected and solved.

I encourage men to go to therapy and to express their emotions of course, but some men like me do not really want to always go into their feminine side and just share struggles. Women encourage them to express every embarrassing emotion they have, but when they do it, they become less attracted to them, because they become women. A woman complaining and crying on your shoulder is cute, but when a fully grown man does that all the time… meh. Sharing hardships is one thing but continuously complaining is another. Try to do that as a man and see if it is attractive to women.

You push them to behave in the way you want then you get less attracted to them. This idea was shared by a man on social media, and he got thousands of likes by other men, so many men experienced this. You want to change the macho culture, but how do you know if your biases will not corrupt the new culture you create? I totally understand that you as a biological feminine woman get tons of value from sharing your struggles as often as possible, but do not project your subjective experiences onto everyone. Of course we have to teach men feminine qualities, but not only feminine qualities, that is the catch.

They have to be allowed to experience all the possible ways of being a man, and then they will naturally choose their preferred Yin-Yang balance. If we only allow them to experience the masculine energy, they will become macho guys. If we only allow them to experience feminine energy, they might become okay feminine men if that is authentic to them, but there is also a high chance that they will become some broken nice guys that lack maturity, ambition, discipline, drive, and charm.

Assuming Responsibility

Assuming responsibility for your problems is key for becoming a great person. Without this, nobody can help you. Psychotherapy works when you already have a level of maturity that will make you admit your faults and assume responsibility for them. I solved my problems without a therapist, I don’t assume that it was a wise thing to do. Maybe a very good therapist might have helped me fix my problems faster, but at that time I was still strongly affected by the macho culture I grew up in and decided to not ask for help.

But I also see so many people who go to psychotherapy for years and still are as broken as before. I assumed responsibility for my problems and fixed them instead of putting them on the shoulders of my friends or a therapist. Of course, I understood and introspected my problems with the help of some good books and teachers. I talk about my hardships to my spouse if she wants to know what I am going through but I do not cry on her shoulder. This is how a masculine man solves a problem, I’ll soon explain how this is linked to our biology.

Now this is not a ticket for returning back to the fake macho masculinity, not seeking help even if there is no sign of improvement. I was gifted genetically with a very resilient and ambitious personality, if you seriously feel bad, then seek help! A well trained therapist that focuses on the root causes and challenges you to face your fears instead of pampering you, focusing on symptom management instead.

What worked for me was that healthy pride of “I will fix it one way or another”, this pride is pure gold, this transforms you into a man. Go to therapy as much as you feel, but beware to not throw the responsibility on their shoulders and cry like a baby instead of making efforts to solve your issues.

Quote: “The cure for the pain is the pain.” End quote – Rumi.

There are mainly two types of pride. The egoic pride of inflating your self-identity that you might have thought about, and the healthy motivational pride that pushes you to have high standards, to aim high, to assume responsibility and solve your problems. I am talking about the former of course.

Becoming a man does not necessarily mean becoming masculine, one of my best male friends is very feminine. But most of them will notice that masculinity is their way. This is why we call it masculinity in the first place. What I did has to be learned, a boy has to learn how to assume responsibility for his problems, face the pain, and act upon it. Otherwise he will just bottle them up and distract himself instead. Maybe you can teach him that trying to transform him into a girl does not work.

Why do so many boys now remain boys forever and retract in themselves instead of evolving and expanding while so many girls manage to do it? What are we missing? I believe a big missing part is teaching guys to explore their masculine side, to develop that pride of being a man, develop themselves and deal with life by themselves. Drive, an honorable life-purpose, healthy pride, self-leadership, nonconformity, ambition, active vibe, stoicism, internal and external motivation, feelings of competence, feelings of winning, feelings of appreciation and support from the close ones is what pushes us men to evolve and love life, not talking about every struggle we have all the time. We have to act like this because again, on average, our biologies differ. The main hormone that regulates energy, motivation, happiness, libido, and mood in biological men is testosterone as opposed to women where estrogen and progesterone are much more important.

Men have to structure their mindset and life in such a way so they keep their testosterone levels high, otherwise they crumble like a stopping bicycle. Men have to be forged like a sword through challenge. Someone has to instill discipline, ambition, duty, and healthy pride in them, that is the big difference. There are biological men who do not fit in my maps here, of course, but most of them are at their best when they have high levels of testosterone.

Quote: “Testosterone influences our personalities, and our personalities influence our testosterone levels” End quote – DW documentary, 2019.

Testosterone levels climb significantly in both men and women when they go into their masculine side. Most women thrive with high levels of female hormones, most men thrive with high testosterone levels. All this is backed by credible research and double checked with the AI (check the additional PDF). Do not underestimate the power of the AI, it is already so good that it can see through our petty human biases and corruption.

The Dangers of Excluding Masculinity

We need masculinity in our societies, we already see the damage of taking away masculinity from a society. If everyone behaves “how they feel like”, then developed men will be as rare as gold in the ground. A culture without a “men forge” is a sick culture. Men don’t just appear from nowhere, they are taught that by other men. The mother transforms the baby into a boy, the father makes him a man. In the beginning of life, the baby needs tons of feminine compassion, but as the boy becomes a teenager, masculine compassion has to push him to develop a sense of pride, resilience, ambition, and purpose. No beatings, manipulation, domination, gaslighting, blackmailing, threats and stuff like that! That is not healthy masculine compassion, that is toxic masculinity.

Feminine behavior is much more accepted nowadays in the West, but masculine behavior can make people avoid you, because they cannot make the distinction between toxic masculinity and healthy masculinity.

There will be women who will not be able to find the masculine man they are authentically attracted to, they will gaslight themselves into believing that they themselves have a problem by not being attracted to the nice guys around. My ex-girlfriend thought that it is her who has a problem because she was not getting aroused by such men, this broke my heart. She became so happy when I explained that it is not her who is the problem, but her postmodernist culture who created so many unattractive men.

I observe how women just give up the dream of finding a developed man and settle up with a stable unattractive guy, gaslighting themselves into believing that: “This is an okay man, I mean he is not a toxic macho like the others…”. Yes, he is not macho, but he is not very attractive either, you will spend lots of money on lubricant and finishing the job by yourself afterwards. Do you really think that is a woman’s dream? Seriously now. To have a lazy scared boy in her bed that does just the bare minimum life requires of him? You as a woman want a hero, a man who has a noble mission he follows.

Nowadays in the West, most women cannot be bought with money anymore. They have money, they can sustain themselves, now you as a man have to come with more than that. She wants emotional richness and healthy masculinity. A social man that has stuff going in his life, a man that smiles, jokes, and charms. Do most men decide to step up their lives in order to be appealing to the new independent women? Some of them do, the others become incels and start hating women or they go to South East Asia or South America where they still can buy women with their money, they become passport bros.

Of course so many women say that they are happier without men when the only men they meet are not developed men. This was a bit harsh, but I had to say it. In the same way Martin Luther King Jr. had to come in front and call out the racism present in the USA at that time, not many white people liked it, but someone had to come in front and say it. In fact he lost his life due to the uncomfortable truths he told.

I really feel sorry for criticizing men so much in this book, but life is tough and reality is tough, you can accept the truth or you can call the people that tell the truth to be evil, you are going to suffer either way. So many white Americans hated MLK, they were hating him because he was so right.

What most women want is the attractiveness, humor, social skills, mystery, charm, challenge, and thrill they find in quote on quote “bad guys” but without the toxic masculinity that makes them dominant, traumatizing, aggressive, unfaithful etc.

I had some deep conversations with a Swedish policeman that worked with disbanding criminal gangs and stopping violence in relationships, he said there is no difference in the amount of violence between the Swedish relationships and immigrant background relationships. This might not be completely true but it surely shows the tension present in the Swedish relationships. It shows how little men and women understand each other. I was shocked to hear that. There should be absolutely no violence in families of such tolerant and educated people. It is the misunderstanding that men and women are all the same and unskillful parenting that creates so much tension behind the closed doors. No matter how tolerant you are, these frictions will create so much frustration over time, that will eventually lead you to a nervous breakdown. We will talk more about those differences in the relationships chapter.

DIfferent Preferences

Women are more in tune with other people’s feelings and they tend to choose fields and jobs that have a high emphasis on socialization, emotional intelligence, taking care of people, animals, and the environment. Fields like psychology, human resources, coaching, healthcare, sociology, political science, veterinary science, and gender studies. Much less to technical engineering, computer science and programming. Does it mean women can’t be good programmers? Of course they can, but many won’t find it very enjoyable.

Fun fact about the ICF coaching course I went to. Coaching is an emotional intelligence based profession, the trainers were two women and the attendees were 7 women… and me. At my first job in Sweden as a massage therapist at a spa, the staff was composed of 11 women, one gay guy, and me. At Swedish nurse schools there are around 100 women for every 10 male students. I once went to massage the employees of an IT company that was dealing with web support and other nerdy stuff like that, all 9 employees whom I massaged were men.

Sweden, the big mamma of gender equality has made considerable efforts to equalize the gender gap in professions, but the result was the opposite, the gap is even bigger in Scandinavia than in the more traditional countries. Don’t believe me, check this information. India has a higher percentage of women in STEM fields than Norway, even if Norway created the “gender point system” where they give a head start to people who choose a field in which they are a gender minority. People will choose to work in fields that fulfill them when money is not a big problem anymore.

Scandinavian countries try to erase the behavioral differences between men and women, teaching boys to be more emotional and girls to be more resilient. Basically swinging the pendulum from one extreme to the other. If traditional countries push for widening the gap between men and women, progressive countries push for making them behave the same. If you raise the question of behavioral differences between sexes in progressive circles, you get that vibe of “we don’t do that here”. Why? Are you afraid that your position is wrong? As the Buddha says, always take the middle way.

You can convince people to believe biology is not an important factor and get them to behave similarly in the same way women were convinced to believe they are inferior to men 300 years ago. Having the right approach to this topic requires real intellectual skills and knowledge, it just doesn’t work to “follow your feeling” and “reject labels”.

Let’s take a look at the gentlemen again for a minute. Asperger himself said that in order to become a successful scientist, you need a touch of autism. Nicola Tesla might have died a virgin, and Albert Einstein was late to talk and said he was never very interested in socialization. Statistics show a much higher density of autism-spectrum individuals in so-called “IT hub” locations like Silicon Valley, and they are mostly men, you guessed it right.

Men are on average more individualistic and less communitarian. Have you noticed how many men are advocating for libertarian ideals like tax cuts, deregulations, free market, and private property? Whereas more women than men tend to advocate for socialist ideals like welfare state, tax increase, and more regulations. Women’s holistic, less autistic, less affected by testosterone brains make them on average less competitive, more cooperative and more compassionate towards those in need, for animals and the environment. Now that does not mean mature, developed masculine men will hurt animals or the environment. It is just that they will logically decide not to hurt them and create systems that will protect the environment without getting too emotional about it.

Work environment

Even the most progressive societies are still quite patriarchal and masculine in regards to the work environment. They have to, otherwise they will not be able to compete with the overly masculine, loosely regulated global market. Not just that but people are also still skeptical of women engaging in leadership roles. It is true that women have to fight harder with these prejudices and stereotypes in order to achieve job roles traditionally perceived as “for men”. It can even happen that women will be paid less for the same positions that men occupy. Those practices have to end for good.

But the gender pay gap is not 100% fueled by the unjust patriarchy. More women than men work in fields that are generally paid less, women also work less, take more time off and having children might disrupt the evolution of their careers. Tech jobs are on average much better paid than HR or healthcare jobs. Another influence is that men negotiate their salaries more aggressively and are much more confident in their capabilities even if in reality they pretty much suck, they can at least appear convincing.

Testosterone makes them more competitive and drawn to seek appreciation for their efforts. If money and hard work is a valued character trait in their social circle, testosterone will motivate them to climb the ladder, earn more money, and work until they fall sick, especially because that will bring them better chances to mate. The workplace has to become more feminine. We have to work less, we have to put the well-being of people and protecting the environment over the profits, to make work less stressful, more enjoyable and to discourage people from working overtime so that we, the normal people, will not be pushed out of business by the workaholics.

On the other hand, I’ve also heard of job environments where masculine people were oppressed. Serious highly involved workers were bashed for being too honest in meetings about the poor ideas and the poor job done by their managers and coworkers. And because of that, masculine people work in oppressive environments where they force themselves to keep their mouths shut even if they are completely right about what they want to say and their ideas would seriously improve the company and the long term well being of the employees. This is caused by poor management who stick their heads into the sand instead of dealing with uncomfortable problems.

Hormone Dynamics

Males can have even 20 times more testosterone in the body compared to females. The study done by Mazur and Booth in 1998 titled “Testosterone and dominance” caught my attention for the key finding that testosterone levels rise in anticipation of competition and increase in winners while decreasing in losers after the competition. This motivated me to dig deeper into how we can raise testosterone and female hormone levels through specific behaviors and feelings. If you ask ChatGPT about how testosterone influences behavior, it will answer among other stuff that it develops aggression in the individual.

There is a misconception that testosterone makes all men more aggressive. It can be so if their social circle appreciates aggressiveness or the survival and mating needs pushes him towards aggression as we see in the animal kingdom, if you only do studies on animals then yes, you’ll come to the conclusion that testosterone instills aggression. If men lived in a ghetto neighborhood for the last 20 years, then yes, testosterone will make them more aggressive as it makes them seek the appreciation of their social circle who value a dominant and aggressive behavior, and of course, improves his chances to mate.

But if a man lived in a Buddhist monastery for the last 20 years, testosterone will only motivate them to become even more kind and meditative, as these qualities made them feel appreciated there and the hippie women whom he is attracted to also value such behavior. Want a less aggressive man? Then don’t date a gangster for God’s sake. In fact, it is too much estrogen that can cause men to be unmotivated, passive, irritable, and even aggressive as all that sourness towards life accumulates.

According to some research publications on lifemd.com and medical news today, high levels of estrogen in men are associated with depression, anxiety, mood swings, and irritability. Women generally have a lot higher estrogen levels than men, but if their levels go much higher than normal, they can also experience such negative consequences. This is why it is important for women to go into their masculine side sometimes in order to regulate this testosterone-estrogen balance. No hormone is beneficial in excessive amounts, this is why it is so important to balance our Yin and Yang so we do not end up with too much testosterone or too much female hormones.

When a woman is always on her feminine side, she sits at home and takes care of children while their men are always in their masculine side by sacrificing themselves in order to ensure the survival of the family. Both partners suffer in this case. Women will feel oppressed and limited, like an animal kept in a cage, and men will get exhausted because they always feel the need to perform and compete with other men without taking a break. Most women love to relax in their feminine side, to feel protected and to nurture their children, most men love to be in their masculine side, to protect and penetrate the world with their competence, but doing only that can be too much. Again, always take the middle way.

But here is the catch Scandinavia, taking the middle way does not mean to completely ignore these dynamics I presented above and tell everybody to behave the same and share the duties 50-50, it is about teaching people how to explore themselves and realize what is their exact Yin-Yang balance that they prefer and discuss about this with their partner.

Stress

When stressed, men tend to choose activities that disconnect them from emotions and make them feel useful, competent and appreciated, increase testosterone, like skillfully riding a motorcycle or discussing the last football match with their male friends in their man cave. I also heard of women who go into their masculine side when feeling stressed. I heard of a woman running 30 km a day during stressful periods. But in general, when a feminine woman is stressed and she is in close contact with her needs and intuition, she’ll want to do activities that connect her with emotions and with people. Activities that increase her estrogen and oxytocin. Like these so-called “me time” activities, eating a tasty meal, reading a romantic novel, watching a love movie, or calling her best friend or therapist and telling her how she feels and what happened, getting validation.

Most men need to go into their masculine side to be able to relax and get rid of stress whereas most women need to get into their feminine side. The same as an introvert wanting to return to silence and an extrovert to his/her friends in order to recharge.

I identify as a man and I know that the so-called “man” identity is a social construction, but it is a social construction that fits my biology, personality, looks preference, and hormone dynamics. I like the looks and clothing style associated with men nowadays, I am only attracted to women and I love to be masculine.

Beyond Mars and Venus

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is an outdated book which lacks the nuance of our nowadays complex society, so John Gray came up with his new book called: “Beyond Mars and Venus” where he also presents the complex hormone dynamics that affect our behavior, let’s take a look.

Disclaimer! I do not agree with Gray’s points on gender and sexual orientation, he got that part wrong. But I also know that almost nobody has the complete picture of this complex topic I raised here, not even me.

Take this book with a grain of salt, decide for yourself what is true and what is not. If I mention his work, it does not mean I completely agree with all he says. This is how you do good research, you triple check the information, you reject what is flawed, and take only what is good. Dismissing a teacher just because he or she is not 100% right is a trap, almost nobody is 100% right when doing such sharp statements.

I’ll quote a note I took from his book which says like this: “A life purpose, appreciation and the feeling that people need them for their competence increase men’s testosterone which makes them endure unimaginable stress and they’ll do it with pleasure, but when they lack these feelings, they lose steam and testosterone levels decrease. Both sexes lower testosterone and increase adrenaline and cortisol when they encounter a lot of stress. If they are in touch with their authenticity, men tend to do actions which increase testosterone to get rid of stress. At the same time, women tend to choose activities that increase estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin.”

When they have low stress levels and their hormones are in balance, men and women tend to act similarly, it is only when the imbalance happens that their differences become obvious. This is overly simplified so that we have a big picture, I know it can be confusing. Especially nowadays when women are becoming more independent and men are less masculine, we get the feeling that only looks make us different, that until your relationship goes to hell and you don’t understand why.

This subject requires more tools, not just the scientific method. It is like trying to understand art with math equations. On top of this, in the west there is also a bias of getting rid of the biological differences in order to better understand gender. We have to keep our eyes on the ball and not let our egos biases corrupt our research. I’ve read somewhere that a neurophysiology professor from Lund University was denounced for being “anti-feminist” because he said that there are, on average, real biological differences in behavior between men and women.

The Low Points of Academia

A bit of side rant now but I’ll get back to the subject, I promise. Academia came with remarkable discoveries and helpful research in many fields, but they are far from perfect, especially when we talk about such complex and sensitive topics like The Yin and Yang of who we are. They have their complicated way of explaining things so it sounds smart and you can’t point out why. I see this happening in philosophy, science, gender studies and more. They need to humble down and get rid of that complicated academicsplaining jargon, just because they sound smart does not mean they are smart. On top of that, some 20 year old children can gather together and denounce you as a professor because you said something that does not align with their naive worldviews. Independent intellectuals come and turn all your academic ideas on their head, there is a chance you are wrong, keep that in mind.

Just because there are many, they are woke and they have a PhD, does not mean they are right all the time. Many times big groups drank the kool aid due to ego biases and corruption. Volkswagen and other companies that produced diesel cars purposely destroyed the air quality in the whole Europe by hiding that their cars were releasing up to 14 times more hazardous pollutants than the legal limit. The same can happen in academia. Money, corruption, lobbying, people’s biases, can completely distort the truth. When falsehood is more convenient than truth for most people in a group, they will release falsehood.

Cats and dogs

This is an exaggerated black and white analogy for more clarity. You take your dog for a walk, he is very happy, he finds a stick and pushes you to throw it so he brings it back, he likes being led by you on a leash, he does not feel oppressed or anything like that. Then you think, why shouldn’t I do the same to my cat? I mean these social norms of only walking your dog, come on, just some traditional nonsense.

Then you put a leash on your cat, she does not seem to be very happy with it, you try to pull her out with the leash, she resists. After a while you give up and let her stay inside. Your neighbor tells you how he walks his cat and works awesome, now you are sad thinking there is something wrong with your cat. Why can’t she just behave like a normal cat who likes to take walks with a leash? You take her to a special cat trainer and after 1 month she manages to make her quote on quote “like” the leash. Now your cat is “normal”.

We do the same thing with people. The conservative people tell others that they should fit in their biological and traditional gender norms and behaviors while the progressive people tell them to be kind and “just be themselves”. But what if I don’t feel good by mimicking my stereotypical behavior of my biological gender, or, in the progressive case, I have no idea who I am and how to find myself in order to “just be myself”? I will just copy the behavior that is the most desired and looked up to in my social circle.
The conservative cultures are suppressing femininity (the Yin) in men, the progressives are suppressing their masculinity (the Yang). Women aren’t spared either, we make them believe directly or indirectly that they have to fit into some beauty ideals and have some specific agreeable behaviors.

The Master Overcomes the Creator

Let’s hear some ChatGPT. Remember that ChatGPT is trained by some of the most leftist leaning people in the US.

Quote: “In women, although testosterone is still important, their bodies rely more on estrogen and progesterone for many of the functions testosterone supports in men. So, while low testosterone affects women (such as causing fatigue, mood changes, or lower libido) the impact is generally less severe because it’s not the primary hormone driving those functions.” end quote;

Further quote: “Challenge and purpose can increase testosterone levels, especially in men. Engaging in activities that involve competition, goal-setting, and overcoming obstacles often triggers a rise in testosterone.” End quote;

Further quote: “Nurturing behaviors, such as caring for others, physical affection, and bonding, can contribute to an increase in estrogen, particularly in women. Estrogen is closely linked to emotional bonding, nurturing, and social connection, and engaging in these activities can stimulate hormonal changes that reinforce those behaviors.” End quote

Further quote: “There’s a trend, especially in Western societies, where men are often encouraged to adopt a “nice guy” persona. This usually involves being agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and highly accommodating, to the point where their own needs and desires sometimes take a backseat. It’s connected to a broader cultural emphasis on politeness and avoiding anything that might seem aggressive or dominant. In some ways, this can be positive—it shows a shift away from traditional, sometimes toxic, expectations of masculinity.
However, the downside is that this “nice guy” culture can sometimes create frustration and internal conflict. It can suppress aspects like assertiveness and a sense of purpose, leading to what’s often called the “nice guy syndrome.” Men who feel they have to be overly accommodating might end up struggling with resentment or a sense of unfulfilled potential. In a way, it’s almost like a repression of the “yang” energy in the masculine.
It can be challenging to balance being kind and empathetic with standing up for oneself and embracing qualities traditionally seen as more assertive. It’s a tricky line to walk, especially in cultures where any hint of aggression is often frowned upon.” End quote – ChatGPT.

I even had a longer conversation with this chatbot, I told it about all the studies I presented and it agreed that the gender studies professors are biased in regards to the importance of biology and our asymmetrical differences.

You might be turned off saying that these are just generalizations. Yes, you can use generalizations as a map that helps you understand life better. If you get that the map is not the territory, you’ll be ok. Google maps is a generalization of the real world. If I make the generalization: “Men are taller than women”, I also make it implicit that there are women who are taller than men so there is an overlap, the same when I talk about behavior and preferences.

In chapter 3 I’ll bring more clarity on how Yin and Yang dynamics shapes our personalities, behaviors, preferences, what some common traps are, and in the end I’ll give you some thinking exercises for finding your own Yin-Yang balance

Chapter 3: Femininity vs. Masculinity and Excesses

What happens when we swing too much towards one side and ignore our other side?

Excess of Masculinity

What does excess of masculinity look like? Well, toxic masculinity. An anti-social, overly competitive, unemphatic, selfish person who has a robot-like behavior and sees everything else as objects to be exploited. An overly masculine society would be an autocratic, mafia structured, overly-hierarchical, every man for himself, law of the jungle, libertarian hellhole where if you’re not tough, you’ll be basically used as a slave, killed or starved to death. No introspection, the enemies are outside. The winners take all, the average workers will be exploited having no legal protection against the employers (if they could be called like that). There will be toxic competition in business, those who find loopholes and break the rules will be the ones prevailing. Competition is a part of the country’s religion. Notice how most libertarians are mostly men.

Children will be traumatized by the beatings and non-permissive parenting, they will grow up traumatized, hating their parents and eventually rebelling. Women will be treated as inferior because they don’t fit the revered “tough and strong” vibe. There will be toxic honesty, so much honesty will do more bad than good, people will traumatize each other with honesty, especially children. The country will have a high chance to go to war because they will see the smallest threat as a call to war. Society will eventually become more feminine as more and more people get educated. With education and affluence, comes empathy and compassion. It would be hard to find a country that does not have considerable levels of toxic masculine energy. It is pretty obvious how toxic and damaging the excess of masculinity is in society, the other extreme is more interesting.

Excess of Femininity

What would excess femininity look like? A naive, over-emphatic, over-indulgent, overly collectivistic person, emphatical to most people except the perpetrators and “wrong doers”. What does an overly feminine society look like? A partially democratic, socialistic, overtaxing welfare state, non-hierarchical feelingcracy. The resources will be shared equally and you’ll be all good so long as you don’t say or do something which will raise feelings of you hurting or offending others, or try to rise above the rest and control people in some way. In that case you’ll be seen as a cancer and will be canceled, reduced to nobody. Even in the case when you rise above others in a good way, the others will feel jealous of your success and will still drag you down.

Private companies will be bullied by the state and unions. Workers will feel entitled to do whatever they want and feel no compassion for CEOs who have to still keep their business profitable in an overly competitive world. The companies will still be affected by the overly competitive globalized economy and will decide to stop activating in the excessively feminine country. In the end, such countries will not be able to compete in the loosely regulated masculine global market and will become poorer and poorer.

Some children can grow up soft, vulnerable, immature, undisciplined and with emotional problems because of overprotective parenting. You cannot protect them forever, teenage years will hit them like a train if they are not ready for it. The society will lack full freedom of expression, there will be a bias against masculinity, the masculine people will be oppressed. Men will be pushed into the nice guy stereotype. Even if that is completely inauthentic to them, they will still somehow adopt it, the society will push it to them through love withdrawal in childhood and adolescence. Telling out loud that people have to explore their Yin and Yang will create very serious problems for you, you might even lose your job as a scientist, politician, or teacher. Everyone will get good grades even if they suck at the respective subjects, the professors will be weak and very permissive, that will affect the quality of the educational system. The teachers will start hating their jobs and change careers,

There will be endless talks in political and philosophical circles on what is ok and what is not ok to do. There will be indecision, lack of action, and fear of “being wrong”. Parents will be forced by law to let their children choose their gender even if nobody shows them how to explore that, and you could face serious legal consequences if you try to stop them from transitioning. The army will be weak, underfunded and God forbid if some country decides to invade them. The law enforcement and authorities will be weak and permissive, the borders will be almost completely open and unenforced.

Criminal gangs will move into the country because they see them as an opportunity to be exploited. The masculine part of society will eventually revolt because they cannot express their real personalities and will have enough of the declining economy and all the criminals wreaking havoc. The overly feminine government will eventually be overthrown and the energies will balance. Countries like Sweden, Norway, Iceland, and Canada but also some parts of the USA have some toxic feminine elements. If you feel offended by this book, that is toxic femininity, look no further.

An overly feminine person will get burned out because she only looks for the needs of others and disregards her own needs. Many women get abused and exploited in relationships by selfish toxic men and forgive them all the time by backwards rationalization. What they should do instead is to connect with their masculine side and decide to end the relationship for good, to heal their feminine side by taking care of their own needs and forgiving those who hurt them, raise their standards, and find better men.

Women who do not embrace their masculine side become too dependent on their partners, making them feel suffocated, which can happen due to an anxious attachment style developed in childhood. They have to embrace their masculine side, heal their trauma, and depend less on their partners. They have to transition from codependency to interdependence. He has to feel like a pillar that you can hold when life becomes overwhelming, not a prince on a white horse who will fix everything for you all the time. You do not need him to be happy, you need him to be happier.

On the other extreme, I know the intimate life of a woman that had an authoritarian father, who made her vow to never marry a man that she cannot control. She ended up with a passive loser who was mostly absent, forcing her to take care of absolutely everything, ruining her life.

Women love to be vulnerable and be led and provided to by a competent loving man. They hate when they are always forced to go into their masculine side and come up with solutions, figure out stuff, and fend for themselves because their men are lazy and incompetent. Now think about how many women are in this situation, living 20-30 years in the same house with low quality men, no doubt why they get fed up and become passive-aggressive and depressed. What is the so-called “sour lady” stereotype? It is about a woman who had to fend for herself all her life because the incompetent people around did not support her. You don’t have to fear masculine men, you need to find one who embraces his feminine side also, they are pretty rare though. Better alone otherwise.

Another flavor of toxic femininity is naivety and excess of empathy. I presented it in the analogy with the feminine country. We are not all at the same level of development, there are criminals who cannot wait to find a naive, inexperienced victim to exploit. Healthy femininity is pure love, love and understanding even for the oppressors and egomaniacs, but it is also realistic and understands that boundaries have to exist

The Big Problems With Men Nowadays

The problem with most men is that they either have the attractive masculine vibe but they are “old fashion”, domineering, closed-minded, and macho-like; or on the other hand they are too soft, unattractive, unmotivated, unambitious, and emasculated. The nice guy vs. bad guy dichotomy. A good guy, a wise blend between these two characters is preferred.

The problem with the macho old-school man is that he creates a shadow from his feminine side and only channels his masculine energy outwards, he should focus it inwards instead, fighting his own fears and inner enemies. If he would do that, he would realize that he is playing a “tough guy” role in order to mask his insecurities and traumas. The masculine energy is immensely potent in curing trauma, but at the same time it also can prevent you from seeing it. Macho guys would rather go to war than admitting their inner wounds.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the hero’s journey, the brave man who risks his life in order to go for the long and risky campaign of finding and defeating the dragon. The macho men act in the world like the dragon is somewhere outside, but in fact the dragon is inside them, they have to fight their inner dragon and purify their souls. And through that process, they become real heroes, real men.

On the other hand, the problem with the nice guy is that he is just an underdeveloped person who had no healthy masculine role models that could teach him how to find himself and most probably got bashed in his childhood and teenage years by those around them when he tried to expand and experience who he is. He basically has no idea who he is, has no motivation to search for that and gives up on his personal development ambitions, passively coasting through life being nice to others so as not get bashed even more. That is heartbreaking to see and it is a product of society not understanding men and not letting them express and develop themselves into great beings. That “niceness” is just a coping mechanism that protected him from love withdrawal in his childhood. What this type of guy has to do is to acknowledge that this is the case and dare to explore himself and to not run away in fear every time the universe puts a challenge in his face. To stop caring so much about what others think about him and dare to leave a mark with his presence.

I lived in both cultures and both are damaging. I am so happy that I dared to explore myself and find who I am. I am not a nice guy, but I am not macho either. I would say I am a good guy. In times where I feel I have to express weakness and vulnerability, I will do it. On the other hand, if I want to tell uncomfortable truths, to lead, persuade, and influence the world in a healthy way, I will do it. And there will be people who will avoid me for that, so be it, they should not have been in my life in the first place.

A good guy is a man that found his authenticity, be it feminine or masculine, and he does not have to play games anymore. Eckhart Tolle is a feminine man, and he knows his theories, one of the wisest people alive. He is a lovable nice man, but his words cut like a knife, he leaves a mark and he does not run from challenges. To be more like a man you have to be more like a woman. The dense egos are found at the extremes, the conscious beings are somewhere in the middle.

Still think all this is baloney? Just take a look at the young guys in first world countries, I never ever seen so many unmotivated and passive men. You would say: “The system is rigged so they give up”. Take the courage to learn how to be a man by yourself if your clueless culture did not teach you this! Don’t blame the system so you have an excuse to watch porn and play video-games all day, there are tons of opportunities if you open your eyes.

Of course all this new addictive anti-social tech plays a role in this depravity. When no ambition and pride was instilled in you, you see no point in sacrificing years of your life suffering to become a man. Why should you do that when you can sit inside all day, have lots of fun with your gamer nerds and watch porn?

Playing videogames with his friends will create a completely new fake life that will be a substitute to the bad real life he lives. His gamer friends will appreciate him for his gaming skills, he might even find women who play the same game, drawing their attention and increasing his testosterone. Testosterone will motivate him to get even better at the game so he gets even more attention and appreciation, spending even more time online. He will become a developed online man instead of a developed offline man.

Inner Work vs. Outer Work

Being a great man does not really translate into only penetrating the world, for me it means mostly penetrating your inner world, at least in the beginning. Before penetrating the outsides, take care of your insides. Becoming a man means having the courage and discipline to introspect, to take control over your ego and melt it down to a point where you are completely aware of all your weak points, coping mechanisms and mental constructions that make you and the ones around you to suffer.

In fact, I would advise you to not penetrate the outside world before you fix your inside world or you’ll get that Elon Musk effect. Elon Musk might be a brilliant businessman, he penetrates the business world like a machine, but in my opinion he is far from being a well rounded man. It is pretty clear to me how messy his inside world is. He is fat, he is not aware of his political biases, he does not understand how politics work and gets brainwashed by alt-right propaganda, he behaves on social media in the same way I used to do it when I was 13 etc. He is not a happy man and I bet money that the women in his life were not happy either. And this can be seen in so many more examples. Is Leonardo Di Caprio a healthy man? He only dates 19 year olds then dumps them when they get older. Is that a serious man whom you should have in your life? Highly doubt that. Before summoning powers that you cannot control, work on becoming a powerful man that will be able to control those powers in a healthy way. Donald Trump and Andrew Tate are the ultimate insults to manhood, if you want to see a clear example of how not to be a man, there you have it. When millions of men look up to such con artists as being the ultimate men role models, then we know for sure we are still living in the dark ages.

We humans manage to overcome our limits all the time in regards to what we can do. But on the other hand we cannot see how our petty egos play games with us, that make us take very bad decisions, and destroy our lives. The problem is not doing more, it is becoming more. No matter how many flips you can do, how good you can sing, how charismatic you are, how fast you can run, how successful your business is; If you don’t improve your insides, doing more in the outside world can get you in even more trouble. There is so much bragging about outer work on Instagram that it almost doesn’t matter anymore if you’re net worth 10 billion dollars or 100 billion dollars, or if you can do a triple flip instead of a double flip, there will always be someone else who will surpass your performance in the end. Men nowadays would rather risk their lives by doing some crazy flip from one building to another than focusing inwards and doing serious personal development.

The Americans managed to fly to the moon with primitive computer technology but they also invaded VietNam for no good reason, and even 30 years later, the majority of Americans admitted that invading Iraq is a good idea, which of course, was not. This is a perfect example of underdeveloped people who developed powers that they cannot control. Money, skills, charisma, and power are tools. You can save lives with them or you can destroy lives with them. Remember that Hitler was a very charismatic person.

All these guys from the manosphere who want to convince you that doing more, doing risky business for the sole purpose of making lots of money and controlling others through tricks and charisma is the core of masculinity. No! That is the core of selfishness, and only low quality women will get attracted to such men. What do you want in your life? Low quality materialistic women, or some really mature and conscious beings who will love your soul not just your “success”? What is success? Is it stressing yourself to death in an overly competitive, toxic cut-throat capitalism just so you get some money made by exploiting or damaging other people and the environment? Think twice.

Money, success, sex, fame, and external achievement can easily corrupt your soul. If you are that type of spiritual person who joins Vipassana retreats in order to achieve awakening, here are your biggest traps. I am so happy that I realized that before reaching any type of success, that would have easily corrupted my soul. What did the bible really want to mean with the quote: “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” End quote. It meant that in order to reach enlightenment, you have to let go of all your worldly attachments.

Let’s talk Women

In regards to women, most of them are very intuitive and behave in a feminine way even if they don’t know about this stuff. Not just that but now in the West they are encouraged to explore both their feminine and masculine sides, in contrast to men where they are discouraged from exploring their masculine side. Some women can exaggerate this “strong independent woman” ideology that they get from the extreme left, but I perceive this to be a rare occurrence. Some women are constantly bossing others around, complaining and moaning about how unjust everything is, imposing to others their point of view and if they don’t embrace it, they’re calling them lazy, dumb, toxic, sexists, racists, homophobes, Nazis, privileged etc.

It is mainly because for some reason they did not manage to mature emotionally or they had such low quality people in their lives that it accumulated and made them sour, especially a bad relationship with their fathers. Forgiving the men who hurt you is the only way to liberate yourself. Femininity is about daring to be vulnerable, delicate and ignoring the things you can’t change.

A mature woman knows that criticizing others, canceling them, or calling them names will not change their minds or actions, in fact it will have the opposite result. She has the courage to find and let a developed man help her in life, she is a flower instead of a cactus. She dares to relax into her authentic vulnerable self, trusting that her man will not hurt her. This dynamic is exceptionally beautiful.

You might say: “There are no good men around”. Here I have to agree with you. We now mostly create either hyper-masculine macho guys or sensible, unattractive, boring, nice guys. I hope we will learn how to forge great men one day. I personally apologize for what society did to men and I encourage you to continue searching for a developed man. There are some, persistence is key. Basically nowadays, in order to become a developed man, you have to take that in your own hands and to reinvent yourself from the ground up, to forget all the nonsense put into your head by society and to fix your life.

A woman can develop her male side and she can take care of herself and kids without any help, like a female mamma tiger or mamma bear or so it seems. She will develop high testosterone levels by being much more in her masculine side. Some studies show that children who grew up without a father tend to do worse in life. Not just that but we never lived like bears and tigers, we are social animals and love being like that. Why struggle with all that when there are men who would absolutely love to help you.

A Big Picture Perspective

Around 10 000 years ago we started to create “civilizations”. In these civilizations the feminine energy was systematically suppressed. In the middle ages, women were believed to be lesser humans, less intelligent, deserving only to be ruled. It was taught that because of Eve, they lost the kingdom of heaven. It was believed that they have to constantly procreate because otherwise their “seed” will coagulate inside themselves and will make them fall ill. I didn’t know how to react, to cry or to laugh.

Fortunately we do not live with those dark mentalities here in the west anymore. After such a long time we finally begin to embrace our feminine side again and women are empowered. When the resources are scarce and the environment is very hostile, the societies structure in a patriarchal way, because the masculine qualities are crucial in such an environment, but here in Scandinavia I see the society becoming more and more feminine because the resources are abundant and the environment is safer.

The more competition over territory, food, and mates there is, the more patriarchal the society. A lion pride without a strong alpha male will lose their cubs, a strong male will come from the exterior and kill them. In those environments, masculinity is a must. Because by not being masculine enough, other masculine entities will terminate you. And this is exactly why a country still needs a military, even if it is very peaceful. Because other militaries are not. You might wonder why is nature so cruel? I don’t know, maybe God was too bored of so much peace and tranquility.

Of course Afghanistan is a patriarchal society. In such a harsh and competitive environment, masculinity is seen as a must and femininity is put on the back seat. We can see how there is a culture of protecting women in such environments, to the point where it does more harm than good. Yes, women are at risk in such countries, but it is an exaggeration to not let them go outside by themselves, or force them to wear a hijab. Maybe it was more reasonable 1000 years ago when the environment in the middle east was composed mainly of tribal warfare, and family honor was crucial for survival. Nowadays, those rules are outdated, they mainly play a role in people’s pan-national religious identity and have little practical relevance. As society becomes less dangerous, less protection and caution is needed, and femininity blossoms.

The same thing we can observe in chimps and bonobos. Chimpanzees have a patriarchal social structure due to the scarce environment in which they lived for thousands of years, bonobos on the other hand have a matriarchal social structure due to a frugivorous diet and the abundant environment they evolved in. Our societies today are still overly masculine all over the world, this is why there is a bias towards masculine qualities and women strive to acquire those qualities because in this way they ensure survival. Check the book “Our Inner Ape” written by Frans de Waal, this is the ultimate proof for those who are still skeptical.

In the case of humans, the universe specialized women in keeping the social cohesion of the tribe, gathering plants and fruits, and most importantly, taking care of children. Children need love and empathy more than anything else and humans are the species whose offspring need the longest and most intensive adult care of all species. Men specialized in hunting, exploring, defending the territory, and competing with other males for the most appreciated females, ensuring safety and providing resources. Actions that require more detachment, courage, and a desire to figure out stuff through strategic, logical thinking.

Imagine women and children being beautiful pearls and the men being the shells protecting them so as they can express their authenticity, love, beauty, vulnerability and creativity. Now that can be a reason why women vote for welfare states these days, because they feel unsafe in this men-dominated capitalist madness. We transition from our masculine side to our feminine side and back throughout the day, but we cannot properly be on both sides at the same time in regards to empathy.

You cannot be vulnerable, nurturing, and loving while strangling an enemy from the neighboring tribe. The amazing beauty, vulnerability, playfulness, nurture and care that feminine women offer, can only be maxed out in a safe environment. This safe environment can be created by their men, by their tribe, by their families or by a well functioning welfare state.

The greatest gifts you can offer to a woman as a man is safety and love. The key question you have to ask yourself often in a relationship as a man is: “Does she feel safe, loved and relaxed so she can express her femininity?”. If she struggles with some stressful logistics or stuff she does not want to do, take that out of her mind, fix it for her! A family needs a strong presence of both of these energies, an emotionally-available, vulnerable and loving person that will, most of the time, offer the children the love and affection they need, and a stone pillar that will, most of the time, ensure safety and take care of the family’s survival. Again, most of the time, not always.

In most relationships, women will be the feminine ones and men will be the masculine ones. But who am I to say that the roles cannot be reversed? If that works for your relationship, do it. In fact that is a big fault in the conservative perspective, that only men can perform the protective role and only women can perform the nurturing role, wrong! In some cases, the opposite can work as well.

The renowned film Titanic shows the Ying-Yang interplay in a very beautiful and emotional manner. My favorite scene is the one where the crew spotted the iceberg, and they reacted lightning fast in a very organized and competent manner, in order to save the ship, to save themselves, but most importantly, to save the women and children. They did all they could do, but unfortunately, it was too late.

If in the past we needed men to defend the country from the enemies, now in our first worlds, that requirement is fortunately less and less needed. We have another battle to fight instead, the battle for truth. Our nerdy ambitious minds have to be put to work towards distinguishing the truth from falsehood and then showing it to others, like I try to do here. Flawed information is poisoning our minds and the lack of action towards self-improvement eats our lives slowly. Here is your next fight my dear nerdy buddy, man or woman.

Strength And Warmth

In the book: Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential; John Neffinger and Mathew Kohut talked alot about how strength and warmth define who we are and how we make people perceive us. I was so pleasantly surprised by the book because it gave me another pair of lenses through which I could look at the balance between our Yin and Yang.

Strength is our masculinity, warmth is our femininity. A very respected and liked person is one that delivers both strength and warmth at the same time. In fact, especially nowadays, if you want to project a lot of strength in the world, it has to be accompanied by a lot of warmth. The millennia of toxic masculinity made people very skeptical about people who only deliver strength without any warmth. At least the first few times you meet new people, warmth has to be your main energy.

After you bombard people with a lot of warmth, their patriarchy alarms will stop ringing and they will relax. Our brains are lazy, we jump to prejudge people, myself included. We can lose amazing people that life puts in front of us just because we jump to prejudge them. A more careful and patient approach of getting to know people is needed so we do not lose opportunities that could completely change our lives for the better.

Imagine that you, as an attractive woman in her 30s, are searching for a developed, competent, loving, romantically and sexually attractive man with whom to build a family. And one day that man shows up, but because of today’s social media and dating apps, another 100 men are waiting their turn. Just because he projected a bit too much strength, or he was a bit too teasing, or a bit too daring, or another possibility is that he was too nice and too uninteresting at the first date, and that made you reject him. We know how rare such amazing men are, so you’ll probably never meet such a man again, losing a potentially happier life in the process.

Our impatience, our biases, our traumas, our laziness can make us choose the wrong people around us, especially nowadays when some people can experience an abundance of potential mates or friends. Creating a good first impression is crucial now, projecting a contextually adapted balance of warmth and strength can create an outcome of an amazing relationship, or else, a few more years spent alone or with the wrong person.

Contextual intelligence is the ability to moderate yourself according to the situation. There are situations where lots of strength is appropriate and others where no strength is appropriate. When you find yourself in a tough negotiation, you need to show strength, otherwise you can lose a lot. When your child finds himself in a very depressed and mentally ill state, the only thing he needs is warmth, strength would just make matters worse in this case.

The authors talk in the book about the hydraulic effect, a very interesting cocept. Briefly it means that when you project a lot of warmth, people will perceive you as less powerful, when you project a lot of strength, people will perceive you as less warm. In most cases we have to balance these energies, so we do not diminish one of them or even both. In most cases strength and warmth will be like two aces you have in your hand, why not use both?

A macho jerk is a guy full of strength but with no warmth, a very feminine woman or man is full of warmth but with no strength, a nice guy is low on strength but it tries to cover it with a fake warmth, which is an adaptive mechanism learned in childhood and adolescence. People smell fake niceness, niceness alone will not get you too far in life, it will just make you agreeable enough so you at least can get to eat the bread crumbs that fell on the floor. Do you want to live a life eating bread crumbs or will you bite the bullet and aim for the stake?

Aiming for the stake will mean to dare to find yourself as you really are, that might repel the fake friends you have now, they are fake because you are fake. Aiming for the stake will feel painful in the beginning but very satisfying in the end. Dare to find your strength and warmth!

Thinking Exercises for Finding Your Yin-Yang Balance

I’ll give you some questions that you can ask yourself in order to better understand what is your favorite energy. Take a piece of paper and ask the following questions:

Do I like to lead or be led, most of the time?
Do I like to take control over the situation and come up with solutions when I see such a position to be vacant?
Do I like to protect others or do I like to seek protection, most of the time?
Am I a nerdy person that always wants to figure out stuff and be on my logical side most of the time?
Do I feel the need to share my hardships with others or take care of them by myself later, most of the time?
What is my main compass? Feelings or logic?
Do I like to penetrate the world with my ideas, thoughts and discoveries, or do I want to receive and learn from other people who do that, most of the time?
Do I love to take pride in my abilities and help others with all I can, or do I search for and appreciate people like that who will solve the tasks that I don’t want to deal with, most of the time?
When in a bad mood, am I usually connecting or disconnecting from what I feel?
Do I, most of the time, enjoy engaging in competition and winning or collaborating with people?
Am I often pushing myself to do things that I don’t want or am I more gentle with myself?
Would I prefer my sexual partner was physically stronger than me, or would I prefer to feel my partner’s physical vulnerability? I may want both at different times, but most often which turns me on more?
Am I dominant or passive in bed?
Do I prefer to have the looks and clothing that nowadays are associated with my gender or not?

These last couple of questions are especially important for the people who feel that they want to transition to the other sex.

There can be more questions, you will find more if you are creative. A very powerful exercise is to get out of your mind and into your body in a difficult situation. Feel yourself and notice how you want to react to the situation. Feel how the intelligence of the universe communicates through your body. What does it tell you? What should be your next move? Do what you want to do, not what others want you to do. In which way are you giving up yourself just so others like you more?

In the next chapter we will find out how we end up attracted and what exactly motivates us to hold on to each other.

Chapter 4: Sex and Attraction

Polarity

In most cases, in order to have a healthy, long term, romantic and sexual relationship, there has to be a Yin-Yang polarity, one has to be more feminine and one more masculine, one has to penetrate, and one has to surrender. This is to be put in contrast with a non-sexual friendship in which polarity does not play a significant role, from this can we conclude why so many nice guys end up in a non-sexual friendship with the girls they wished to have more than that.

Of course, a girl can choose to have sex with whomever, in the same way a man chooses to have a one-night-stand with any beautiful woman, but if she is in close contact with her essence, she will choose to have a long-term romantic relationship with a person of the opposite polarity. Feminine people are attracted by strength, masculine people are attracted by warmth, they want something that completes them.

Again, if we do not want to accept these aspects of reality, and continue to believe in our 50/50 gender blindness ideologies, nobody wins. Women will suffer, men will suffer, gays will suffer, trans people will suffer, non-binary people will suffer.

Equal Asymmetries

There is an extremely obvious contrast here. A man can get aroused by simply seeing a beautiful woman, whereas a woman needs to get to know the man, and feel secure and intimate with him before getting aroused. She actually needs to make a bond with the man and feel safe, she wants emotional stimulation and safety first. This is what many men don’t realize and get surprised when their women don’t want to have sex on command. Because for men, having sex is like taking a piss. There is a huge underground sex market for men because women are not so interested only in the act of sex, at least those mature women in whom I am interested, they want a whole emotional experience.

This is very important, many guys who struggle with dating are getting sour on life because they feel that women have it much better, that they can get sex much easier. Yes, she can get sex whenever she wants, but she doesn’t value the act of sex as much as you do, she mainly values finding a quality guy who is willing to commit only to her, and that might be very hard to find. Even those nightclub girls who treat sex as entertainment will choose a guy who stimulates their emotions first.

If we look at the animal kingdom we see that the right to sex is not given at birth, males need to fight for it and the female will choose to mate with the strongest male which will ensure the highest survival chance for her cubs. Most of us are not wild animals anymore but this dynamic still expresses in us to some extent. Feminine women tend to not care so much for beauty, more about the survival abilities, social skills, and social status the man has in society, so that he’ll ensure the kids survival while they can relax in their feminine side.

Men are so attracted to the genetics and physical beauty and less about the survival abilities of the women, because they used to be the ones who mainly took care of safety and ensuring survival for millions of years, they just needed to be sure the kids will have the best genetic baggage. Maybe women will value men’s beauty more in the future, when society becomes less dangerous, competitive and stressful. It will make logical sense, but our biology will not change overnight, we will still somewhat be driven by feelings and instincts that drove us millennia ago.

Dating Nowadays

The main cause of you as a guy not getting laid is not the feminists or your looks, it is because you don’t socialize enough and stay inside all day. If you are social and meet women on a regular basis, one of them will get attracted to you no matter how awkward, how ugly, how poor, or how short you are. If you cannot have sex, you have a marketing problem not a “product quality” problem. This book teaches you how to improve the product quality, how to improve yourself, but the product has to also be sold through a smart marketing campaign. Selling yourself on dating apps is quite a bad marketing strategy, you need to find something better.

Dating apps are a sea of choice for women, but a desert for men. Women have tons of choice, men have to stick to what they get, the most attractive women will choose the most attractive men.

You compete with hundreds of men for the girl you wish, you have to be in the top 10% looks and other qualities that a dating app can show. This is why dating apps are so depressing for men and can lead to believing all sorts of nonsense. Like not having a masculine enough face and jaw line or not having enough money. Dating apps do not work for the majority of men. For me personally, they worked more or less and I use them because I am not very social. My advice is actually to be more social and use these apps less. Do what the pope says, not what the pope does.

They choose you based on looks because they do not have other information about you, that is the problem. And because of that feeling of abundance women get on dating apps, they always will get that feeling of maybe not choosing the right man. Imagine you are at a grocery store and there are 1000 types of detergent. Now imagine you have to choose only one type of detergent and you will use that detergent for many years to come. Choice anxiety is ruining dating at these times, women have so much choice that they get overwhelmed and men have to accept any woman that finally decides to date them, like a homeless man being grateful for some bread crumbs he gets from some stranger. Women get attracted to men who feel like a challenge, when they perceive men as being some products on a store shelf, they have a hard time to find the motivation to actually get to know the man.

The Attraction Pillars

What are the main things women want from men? Emotional stimulation, social status, social skills, protection, emotional intelligence, charisma, competence, humor, initiative, security, boldness, confidence, affection, support, high quality sex, and beauty but as secondary to all previous.

What are the main qualities that most men find appealing in women? Beauty, stability, playfulness, emotional intelligence, sexual diversity and availability, companionship, appreciation, and a sense that she needs his help in her life.

Yes, men want sex. They think a lot about having sex, sex is a very important thing for them in a relationship. This might be a less glamorous part of men but it is a part that has to be understood and accepted by women, and men have to learn how to control it properly. I don’t get horny and creepy when a very attractive woman comes to me for a full body massage. I easily control myself due to all the consciousness work I did. Here lies some real power, the ability to control your sex drive when it is not appropriate to have it.

In chapter 5 I will present some practical ideas that can drastically improve your romantic relationship.

Chapter 5: Relationships and Contrasts

Contempt Sources

Gray also talks about the actions that create contempt in relationships. Most commonly, the man is lazy and careless about his actions: not properly cleaning the house, not helping her with basic chores, not showing her enough attention and affection etc. The woman usually complains about the man’s carelessness and gives him unsolicited advice that will lower his testosterone and make him even more careless, angry, and detached. How much better a world would we have if men would treat their women as well as they treat their favorite cars and if women would talk to their men as nicely as they talk to their clients. This problem is so common that you can find jokes about it on the internet. I’ll leave one here for you.

-My dear, for 34 years you have only been criticizing me!

-No, that is not true, for 35 years my dear.

Why Do You Need a Partner?

You do not need a partner to be happy in life, you need a partner in order to be happier. Your partner can make you a lot happier than you are if you understand and apply these concepts that I am presenting here. Of course applying them in a relationship with an emotionally mature person. No matter how developed and educated you are in this subject, if your partner is a child, there is no solution other than finding a more mature one.

In progressive countries like Scandinavia, we see a lot of women tapping into their masculine side by getting into leadership roles and stressful positions that crave a lot of competence. That is great news. Finally, women can fully embrace both their energies, not just the female side by taking care of the children and being provided for, but in some cases it can lead to burnouts and depression.

This narrative that is pushed to women telling them they have to become highly educated and high achievers in order to not depend on men is a bit overdrive. What if she just wants to relax in her feminine side, to stay at home, take good care of her children and work a part-time job at a clothes store because she has a masculine man who loves to take good care of her and finances?

Even in Scandinavia, the work environment is still stressful and competitive, especially in high paying jobs and people still work their ass off in order to travel and get a nicer house or car, not as socialistic as you imagined. If your man isn’t properly helping you, you always have to tell him what to do as if he is your child, then you end up worse than in a traditional relationship. Not just that you keep in check the house, food, and the children, now you need to earn money too.

In my opinion women need more rest than men, they are affected much more by a bad mood, they have strong hormone fluctuations throughout the month. We, men, have to understand this and compensate for that by developing the masculine trait of enduring hardships for others. If I see that my woman needs rest, I will feel more ready for work than ever.

When women are not secure in their feminine side, they cope by giving and sacrificing themselves till they get exhausted, sour, and sick. Asking for help is key in this situation and swinging from sick leave to a job that you hate just to “keep up with men” is not a long term solution. It is not ethical to your colleagues and managers who don’t do that and have to deal with replacing you all the time. The welfare state compensates for the lack of support you feel in life. There is no shame in choosing a lower paying job or working less just because you want to feel better, happiness is money.

The Non-Toxic Relationship

I talk more about men because I am a man, and I was more interested in how to fix men, but I’ll spit out everything I know about women also, I promise. I am a relatively masculine man but I still prefer happiness over some high paying corporate job or working all day competing with workaholics, but if my family would need more money, I’ll make it happen. A masculine man would love to do the hard work for you as long as he sees that you and the children are happy and he feels appreciated for his hard work. He’ll bring the money, he’ll do the house chores, anything for a family who deserves it. Men would even risk their lives in wars for a good cause and you stay there and count to bring home the same amount of money.

This is why it is crucially important for you as a masculine man to have a strong purpose, everything will become bearable if you have a passion and something meaningful to fight for. It doesn’t mean you have to become a millionaire entrepreneur, it can be simply working what you love and supporting your beautiful family.

Forget about that elitist nonsense of becoming a top business tycoon, you can be a self-employed programmer, coach, trainer, bike mechanic, massage therapist, barber, plumber, construction worker, electrician, whatever… You just have to love what you do and do it for a reason. I am probably biased here because I like that my work is not dependent on a lot of colleagues or a big team but if you like corporations, so be it.

The masculine grows by challenge, purpose, appreciation, and duty. The feminine grows by support, nurture, care, and praise. We don’t care about splitting everything 50-50, we care to see our women and children happy and to appreciate our efforts, and in that case we will move mountains for them. One magic thing though: appreciation, understanding, and non-criticism. If you don’t do so, your man is gone, he might also go on sick-leave in this case.

You might object: “If they cannot take constructive criticism, they are not real men”. They want to feel that you trust their competence, your support might have much better chances of making them change their behavior than your criticism. You might also say: “He does not take good care of me and I have to beg him to help me around the house all the time and I don’t criticize”. That is because nobody taught him how to be a man, he is a boy.

A real man is a leader, he organizes stuff, he understands the needs of his woman, he is full of testosterone and energy due to his life purpose, discipline, and feeling of duty. As Teal Swan says in her teachings: “healthy masculine men feel the need to “contain” their women”, which means to provide and offer safety without constraints and oppression.

A developed, healthy man is a feminist, he understands how sensitive women are and takes care of them like he takes care of flowers. He separates the gold from the stones, he makes hard decisions, he tells uncomfortable truths for a more comfortable future, he prefers short term suffering over a lifetime of mediocrity, he points the way to others, he does not follow the herd, he leads the herd, he protects, he makes her feel special, he knows, he does, he plans, he inspires, he charms, he jokes, he laughs, he smiles.

If you check how animals mate, from fish, to birds, to mammals; you notice how males try to impress the females in all sorts of cute ways, and the females choose the most impressive males. Check those dynamics before telling your partner that by offering you flowers or opening the door for you, he is too traditional.

You might ask: what about gay relationships? Well, you have to have an open conversation with your partner and realize how your personalities and energies can blend together harmoniously. And beware of compatibility! If both of you have a strong masculine energy, it might not work. This applies to straight relationships also, sometimes it won’t work, no matter what you do. That is due to personality and biological incompatibility, or even trauma. Trying to change your partner in order to fit you is the most newbie mistake you can make.

We are mainly attracted romantically to qualities opposite to ours, if you are a more masculine woman, you might find the feminine men more attractive. Only you can find who you really are. Ask yourself why you don’t want support from a man in your life. Because you analyzed it closely and you know for sure this is you? Or is it because you were socialized into that by your progressive friends and mother? Is it because you want to prove something to yourself and others? Is it because the men in your life were worthless and you were forced into it? Or just because you were treated or still treated badly by men and now you create a shield as a trauma response?

The different ways men and women behave and respond to stress are very important, especially in relationships. If your man comes home stressed and wants to go take a beer with his buddies let him go instead of continuously asking him what went wrong. He does not want to speak to you because he wants to detach from what happened until he replenishes his testosterone and feels better.

If your woman comes back home sad and stressed on the other hand, ignoring her will not help, because in contrast with what you used to do when stressed, she wants to connect with her emotions and have someone to support her. And the way you as a man solve this kind of situation is a bit different from how women do, she won’t need solutions and advice at the moment, she only wants emotional support and understanding. You can be “Mr. fix it” another time. If we do not get these critical differences the relationship can suffer.

The masculine-feminine polarity is what makes it a relationship to be romantic, the contrasts between us make it exciting and romantic. Otherwise, we will be just two friends who have sex occasionally. A healthy long term romantic relationship can remain healthy only if both partners have an understanding of all these things, either they are smart enough to intuit them or they learn them.

One more tip for improving your relationship is to find your own and your partner’s love language, there are mainly 5: physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Read Gary Chapman’s book for a deeper dive.

Common interests, romance, and polarity will make you commit to one person, not just sex and looks. There will always be a hotter girl or a more interesting guy somewhere else. It is not just about the looks, the behavior makes you who you are, you perform the gender as Judith Butler use to say.

Think about how cool a well made MMORPG game is, how equal in power but at the same time how different the priest is from the warrior. The same with men and women, we are equal but not the same. In this kind of games, the strongest pair team is a team formed by two very different characters, usually one who screws the enemies while the other one supports him with healing. Why should we erase this beautiful difference between us that will make us stick to each other like a magnet?

In the next chapter we will learn how ignorance and lack of education about the concepts presented in this book can lead to concerning political and cultural situations.

Chapter 6: Further Political Problems and Solutions

The Left Going Astray

As I mentioned before, I will focus more on the problems coming from the progressive politics because there are enough good critics regarding conservatives. Postmodern philosophers like Judith Butler have criticized the right in regards to gender and sexuality in all of her books, read her for a deeper dive into the flaws of the right wing. I’ll point my cannons towards the left here.

It is great to see this powerful raise of feminine energy, but there are some excesses. Most progressive liberals don’t really understand masculinity and why most straight or even gay or transgender men need to learn about it and embrace it as part of their identity and personality. They don’t want to understand it because it is against their feminine inclusivity ideology. By nature, masculine people are more exclusive, people who do personal development are more exclusive, it is the core of it. If you are 100% feminine, you cannot properly improve yourself and rise above the rest, in order to become better you have to exclude.

As you noticed while reading this book, I excluded a lot of groups of people who are plainly wrong about this subject. They have to understand how to use exclusivity and get comfortable around masculine people. They are so inclusive that they exclude people who are exclusive. This behavior makes people weak, prone to mental illness, and immaturity. A mature person does not ghost someone just because they have some divergent political opinions.

People have to face emotionally difficult situations and challenges in order to stay tough, no doubt why people call them snowflakes. Now you might think that exclusivity is bad because we had a lot of it in the past and it led to lots of problems. That is toxic exclusivity. Excluding women, jews, blacks, gays, poor people etc. is not healthy exclusivity. As there is toxic masculinity, so there is toxic exclusivity.

Once I met two leftist Swedish guys and had a drink. They were so interested in me until I told them I am writing this book about masculinity and femininity, after that their behavior changed to a more closed one. I was messaged that “we do not click” unfortunately. That was completely as it should be, I also slowly realized that I have no business to do around such people.

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells whenever I meet such people here because I don’t know what they think, they don’t say what they like or what they don’t like about what I said, they just ghost me or send a message after we’ve met. If the conservatives do tons of harm to the world with their wars, hatred, violence and toxic masculinity, the progressives came with this “new man” that with all due respect, I don’t know if it is much better. Unmotivated, low testosterone, low emotional intelligence, low social skills, boring, passive, easily offended, afraid of conflict. If you are not fitting in their way of thinking and behaving, then bad luck, you are seen as a nobody. If you get offended by a guy who writes a book, what will happen when serious problems come in your life?

We need stronger people in society, life is still tough, we are still in the dark ages. We can’t afford to get offended by opinions. Without mental toughness, we are easy prey to mental breakdowns, depression, and mental illness.

I had deep conversations with about 9-10 Swedish women and 4 of them said they had enough of how boring and uninteresting men are. This, of course, is not a Sweden problem, everywhere in the world where the post-modernist vibe comes online, this type of guy starts to appear. It feels like society has only 2 softwares available for male brains, either the toxic masculine macho software or the boring nice guy software. You either passively accept one of it or work hard to update it to a next level software.

Healthy Masculine compassion is about telling the uncomfortable truths if appropriate but also understanding the person and accepting it as it is. I will not look down on you or avoid you because you have no clue about how to be a man, don’t worry. I will try to have fun with you (if I can) and help you only if you ask for it.

I noticed that when I am really myself, when I release that healthy masculine vibe of honesty, courage, knowledge, ambition, and powerful voice, the healthy and mature people around react in a positive manner, they get inspired and attracted to me. On the other hand, the wounded and immature people, especially the nice guys with their fragile and dense egos run away like if they saw a ghost. When you shed the light of consciousness on dense egos, they run away into darkness.

You tell people to be themselves, and when they are themselves you start avoiding them. It is more like: “Be yourself but not in a way we do not like it”. No doubt the West is full of nice guys and the third world is full of machos. People choose attachment before authenticity, nobody shows them how to develop that real self so they just conform to the culture norms in order to get that highly craved love from others in an anxiously attached manner.

I just had to accept that I was born in the dark ages, and learn to love myself. Without this skill you see no reason for suffering 15 years in order to become a man just so even more people will perceive you as being negative and avoid you and to click with less and less people.

Is life really just about pleasing some underdeveloped people or is it about finding your true self and experiencing the love of the universe? Do you see how ambition and healthy pride works? As a boy or as a feminine man you will be quite lovable because you do not threaten other people’s survival mechanisms too much. But as a masculine man you will create an impression, that impression will be positive or negative. No matter how well calibrated you are, you will create negative impressions to those who want to remain in darkness. In fact, if you create only good impressions, that is a clear sign that you did not find your authentic masculine self. Developed feminine people will get attracted to you, following your lead, developed masculine people will resonate with you and share their philosophies in a “bro” social dynamic, and the boys and girls will run away to their mommies. If you are not open to personal development you did not find yourself, it is your ego who keeps you running away from change.

People watch the horrors of excess masculinity and get disgusted by it, and in an emotional reaction they label whole masculinity as bad. I totally understand, I am also put in an emotional righteous care bear state whenever I see how women are treated on the streets, in relationships and especially when I read human history, then I really get sick in the stomach. But with emotional reactions we don’t solve the problem. We have to let ourselves cool down and think rationally what the solutions can be.

Canceling, criticizing and calling names won’t really help, it just makes them angry, you cannot divorce from half of society. The leftists want to equalize everything in society, they have a hard time dealing with equal asymmetries, things can be equal even if they are different. And by the way, how can you call yourself egalitarian when you say that women would do better than men in many fields like politics or leadership? How can you call yourself inclusive when you exclude masculine people? They aim for diversity but this way of treating people diminished diversity, it made all progressives behave more or less the same. If you make some interesting tattoos and wear some hippie clothes that does not mean you are different, real diversity is in behavior and values.

My work here does not throw away the work of progressives and gender scientists, it just adds up what is missing. You read Judith Butler’s books then you are in the air. Ok, gender is a social construction, now what? What are we going to do? Telling your 7 or 8 years old children only that they can identify with whatever they want is just unwise. It is not that children cannot find who they are, it is that the adults don’t have a good approach to teaching this and they themselves do not understand this stuff.

What is a man? What is a woman? Can you answer this? Probably not that deeply. It just took an entire handbook in order to explain this. Did you know all this stuff before? It is like explaining what a TV is without having a clue about electronics, maybe you explain it shallowly but think about how much better an experienced electronics engineer can explain what a TV is and how it works.

I think the best approach would be to teach them that gender is a social construction, but also about masculinity and femininity, their biological sex differences, how the brain gets influenced by prenatal testosterone, male-female hormone dynamics, and the correlation between all of this. Then they might have higher chances finding the perfect blend of energies and perfect gender identity for them.

They need clear information that will help them decide, otherwise they will just do what is “cool” and copy each other without a clue of what they are doing. Are you sure you like to wear a skirt as a non-binary person or you do it just because you saw those looks at other non-binary people? Are you going to lose your identity if you take off your clothes? Clothes and looks are cultural, men wore kilts in 16th century’s Scotland.

This is dangerous stuff, if you send your kids to hormone therapy without good investigation and patience till they understand how to find themselves, you can destroy their lives. This stuff has to be handled by serious experts not by clueless politicians and parents.

And these ideas of gender neutral changing rooms make me laugh. If there will be only one changing room, you as a girl will have a bunch of creepy guys staring at you while changing clothes.

I saw a documentary from Iceland with a kindergarten that separated boys and girls and taught them different things. They were teaching girls to be more independent and strong, on the other hand they were teaching boys to be more emotional and sensitive. I was petrified after that documentary, it felt like there were some demons inside the boys that had to be taken out. It is amazing how far ideology can go if we do not have auto-correcting mechanisms in society. There has to be a limit to anything, it is great to be inclusive and open-minded but not so open-minded so as your brains are falling off.

This idea of equality is a noble wish for humanity. I totally understand that progressives just want to change society in such a way so that everyone feels good and happy. But we have to make a very important distinction here, the distinction between equality and equity. Equality is giving everyone the same things that you believe they need. But what if men and women need different things? Equity is giving people exactly what they need. It is futile to push everyone to behave the same if they actually want to behave otherwise.

We have to embrace our logical side and not be led only by our feelings and intuition. I use my intuition a lot, in fact, intuition pushed me to research this topic in the first place. But I would not have been able to understand it without serious logical analysis and research on credible biology studies. I’ll let my intuition tell me where I should build a bridge, but I’ll learn some good engineering science in order to build the bridge. Science can be very inaccurate and corrupted for sure, a study on climate change funded by a fossil fuel corporation will not be an accurate study, but that does not mean all studies are biased. We have to base our knowledge on something. How can we understand our biology otherwise? if not with well done science, with what? With religion? Should we create a new God? An equality God?

The society will become less sexist and patriarchal by simply spreading this information and those who are ready for it, will receive it. I dare to talk about this because I have over 13 years of serious personal development, this is my life purpose not just an interest.

People just hear: “Masculinity is toxic”. Ok, but show me what healthy masculinity looks like. It is like me being an introvert and instead of accepting this part of me, I suppress it because everybody around me says that introversion is toxic, do you get it now? Many people now portray the perfect man as being some variant of Eckhart Tolle, namely an agreeable, feminine, calm, zen-like man. No! Eckhart Tolle is one type of a great man, for some men like me that is not authentic. When I was following Eckhart many years ago I forced myself to be like him because I believed he was the perfect man example and I also spent time around hippie people who appreciate nice feminine men. But not all left-handed people have to start writing with the right hand because you feel that is more “right”.

If your authentic self is very masculine, then your path will be a bit tricky. Sometimes you’ll feel like having to tell truths that will upset people, make them avoid you, or even lose your job. The thousands of years of toxic masculinity made people very sensitive to masculine behavior right now in the West. But it can be pulled out, with lots of knowledge, nuance, emotional intelligence, and wisdom. We have okay feminine men role models that are easier to pull out, but a lack of healthy masculine men role models. To pull that out you need edge sharp awareness, contextual intelligence, and adaptability. I will be quite masculine when I really have to say an uncomfortable truth but I will become quite feminine when I coach a very sensitive feminine person. Pay attention to the situation you are in and adapt! Are you taking care of a flower or are you chopping wood?

This is the big mistake that spiritual people make, they portray some spiritual guru as the one and only ideal for how a man should be. We are born different, we have different personalities, different genetics. If I am more straight forward and impatient sometimes, that doesn’t mean I am less spiritual, it means this specific body that is called Alex is different from your body, or sadly for you, I dared to find myself and you did not, yet. I had to accept my spicy way of being, I get excited and passionate about problems in society then tell them honestly and sharply, and sometimes in a more emotionally reactive manner. I love to lead people, to inspire people, to leave an impression. There are uncomfortable things that have to be said even if people get offended by them. That doesn’t mean I invade Poland after, some emotional reaction in talks spices up things, makes it feel real and taken seriously.

This stuff has to be taught in schools, exactly like sexual education, so kids can understand themselves and become men, women or something else instead of remaining boys and girls their whole lives. When a wounded and suppressed demographic finally gets empowered, it tends to swing the pendulum all the way to the opposite extreme. Mothers who teach their sons only feminine qualities because they were wounded by toxic men. If we only teach feminine qualities to boys, they will become unmotivated, prone to addictions, easily offended, unattractive, lonely and disconnected from who they are. And because of that imbalance they can become aggressive. You get what you fear for. We need to show our boys what real masculinity looks like not to throw it away.

Looks Culture

Where I feel we as a society need to also become better at is taking care of our health. A healthy beautiful physical aspect is important for a woman, but our sick society makes them overweight, stressed, insecure, and unhealthy. Wherever you look you see unhealthy food and everybody eats it, which breaks my heart to be honest, check my content about how to take care of your health if you had enough of all the erroneous health information on the internet. The looks insecurity makes them lose their confidence and authenticity, pushing them to fit in some unrealistic, ridiculous beauty ideals especially now with this looks culture on social media that pushes teenagers to fit in some looks norm.

Women feel they are forced to put makeup on their faces every day in order to feel beautiful, just think about the money and time spent on doing that, not to mention the chemicals and even heavy metals that they put on their skin all the time. You do not necessarily need stereotypical feminine clothes and makeup to be a woman. Neither you need big muscles or a masculine face in order to be a man. I can put makeup on my face and put a pink dress on myself right now and still be a man, it is how we perform the gender that counts the most.
I once got very attracted to a girl who had short hair, she wore baggy clothes and no makeup. What attracted me was her amazing vulnerable, feminine and playful personality, her trust in my competence and her intelligence that made her appreciate my opinions and ideas in an authentic way.

Looks and clothing style is relative. There are men who like women who do not look like Victoria’s secret models, some men like more formy women. We should not normalize being overweight of course, but sending that message of “all women should look like models” is an overdrive.

This crisis also affects men. Young boys who believe that masculinity is about having big muscles and work hard at the gym for that “masculine look” get depressed when girls don’t care about that. You see? If you don’t show them what masculinity is about, they will invent some nonsense that will explain that to them, clarity is a human need.

The left tries to fix this looks culture but because they overlook the Yin-Yang dynamics within us strengthens it. If we do not know what being a man or being a woman is about, then there is only the looks that seems to make a difference. If you don’t know how to create contrast with your behavior, you will do it using looks.

Men in Crisis

Some people wanted to do a study on how porn influences men’s psyche but they did not find enough guys who don’t do porn for the control group. We already have a loneliness crisis among men especially since the rise of social media and dating apps where women have by far the upper hand. Young men are gaming all day and doing nothing with their lives because they wake up in their 20s unprepared for life and they just give up. Angry, lonely men following toxic role models like Andrew Tate. You cannot cancel these people, you throw them out the window and they come back out the door, they are popular because there is something wrong with society.

Why do so many young men follow these kinds of people? Because they are those who at least pretend to understand their suffering, other people tell them somewhere between the lines of: “Dude you live in a male dominated society and you are a white man, what do you want more?”. Well they want more, they want to find who they are and why they suffer, they want someone to understand their suffering, you cannot hug yourself. Everybody needs love, not just the victims. Even the perpetrators are suffering, this is why they do what they do, mainly because nobody listened to their suffering, now or in their childhood. The most life-threatening thing for men under 45 in the first world is suicide, it is themselves. And the most dangerous people for others in a society are men who feel misunderstood, lost, lonely, and depressed. In a democracy everybody should believe whatever they want, but I agree that some influencers are so toxic that they need to be kicked out of all platforms. The same way we don’t let people defecate in the city square.

Epilogue

Try and reflect a bit on the way I wrote this book! How words cut through meat in cases where that was necessary, and how love and understanding was expressed towards those who needed that. This is a healthy masculine energy. Courage to challenge the common beliefs but still tamed enough to be desirable and sound. A blend between ambition, discipline, drive, competence, logic, courage, and empathy. I encourage you to do the same in your search for meaning and answers, theory is very important. If you don’t have your theory right, you won’t know how to act and whom to believe.

My masculine personality of detaching from group-think and pursuing my own journey of figuring out how the world works saved my life. But I see how important it is to balance it with femininity, to connect with others instead of judging them for their intellectual laziness. This book alone can make some leftists (with whom I resonate the most) avoid me, maybe I will even lose potential clients for coaching. I realized that authenticity and truth is more important for me than pleasing some naive people. I will never give up my authenticity, not even if I lose all my friends and have to move in a cave, I will not even give it up for 15 million dollars and 72 virgins.

My opinion is that people who avoid you when you express your authentic masculine self or if you show divergent opinions are not worth your time, and coaching will not have a big effect on them either, their ego is too rigid. If I like a person I like them period, I don’t care if he or she believes in fake Moon landing or chemtrail theories. If you spoke loudly your honest opinion and that impacted your job negatively, SCREW them! Start your own business and earn money on your terms.

Try to find the right feminine-masculine blend, the one that fits your hormone dynamics, physical aspect preferences, sexual orientation, gender identity, and personality. Most probably you’ll fit your biological gender like I do, but even if you need to find another gender that fits better, it is fine as long as you know what you are doing. I hope this was helpful, if you want to deepen your knowledge on this topic, check the books listed in the additional PDF. Have a happy life!